The Little Things
by xhelloxsweetnessx
Summary: A story of the Lily and James legacy. Tells all about the tender details of their relationship and hopefully conveys a true sense of love and fondness. At this point I have no plans for explicit sex scenes. Long chapters.
1. Dreaming of you

**AN: I don't own these characters. **

**1.**

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"Working hard or hardly working?" Grace inquired as she slid into the seat beside me.

Looking up from my textbook through droopy eyes I glared at Grace and said sarcastically, "The latter."

"Oh, then you're too busy doing nothing to take a much needed break and grab a cup of tea with me." She went to stand up and I gave an audible sigh.

"I'd love to have a cup of tea Grace, but I really can't. You know the pressure I'm under right now, I've got to do well tomorrow." Feeling dejected I returned to the puzzle of letters in the book beneath me.

"Ah, I'm sorry mate. Look I'll just bring you a cup okay?" Grace said with a sideways smile.

Gratefully I nodded my head and counted her footsteps as she left me alone in the library to continue laboriously with my work. _Stupid Severus._ I thought hatefully. If the twit hadn't insisted to Slughorn that we "partake in a friendly battle of knowledge" then my grade in the class wouldn't depend on his diabolical scheme.

"Splendid idea Mr. Snape!" Slughorn had tittered last week in Potions. Of course the potions master thought it would only be appropriate to use this challenge to determine our grades for the class. On top of mid term stress, now I had an audience for the spectacle my reputation as 'best potions student' depended on.

Fuming I said another couple of unladylike words about Severus before memorizing a table of activity reactions for the first twenty singular purpose potions. Grace told me the competition was petty, she was rooting for me to decline and look like a chicken. But no way was Severus going to win that easily! If he wanted the title of 'best potions student' he'd better put his fat nose to the grindstone and work for it.

With this in mind I determinedly reviewed cutting techniques and combination of ingredient rules. Never add rosemary to a boiling potion. _Check_. Always combine beetle skins and frogspawn separately before adding to main concoction. _Check_. Grinning confidently I checked off every rule mentally committing them to memory effortlessly.

A couple minutes later I watched Grace walk into the library with alarmed eyes wide and a hand tucked in the side of her cloak. She walked carefully and slowly her eyes shifting from her cloak to the librarian reading intently at her desk across the room. She approached me and with every step she took I head the distinct clink of china. Snorting I watched Grace try to discreetly place the tea cup and matching plate behind a large book that was propped up on the table.

"There you are," She said scooting the book and tea over to me with a dull scrape on the table.

"Thank you," I said hunkering down in my seat to take a sip that I slurped loudly to Grace's great dislike.

"Look, I didn't smuggle that in for you to loose 'cause of your terrible manners." Then with a sarcastic drama she said, "What would your mother think?" I laughed and she winked before turning and flouncing away. I envied her greatly for no doubt she was headed for her welcoming bed or the arms of Remus Lupin who would distract her from mid term anxieties.

My mind wandered momentarily without rule to a handsome face with hazel eyes and my envy doubled. But habitually I tucked those feelings away and resumed my studying with the occasional under the radar sip of tea.

I must have been studying in my sleep because the first words out of my mouth when James' hand rustled me awake were, "Don't add the frogspawn yet!" I blinked and then took in my surroundings. I was still in the library but the lanterns had dimmed and the librarian had retired leaving me all by myself. Except for James of course.

"Get up Evans, and go to bed. You'll study yourself to death."

Yawning I set my head back down in my arms feeling at home by the sound of his voice. "Can't Potter, I've got potions to perfect."

"They already are." James said while he tidied up the table I occupied. I gave him a pointed look for explanation. "You talk in your sleep, love."

I felt a blush ink it's way across my face and cursed it as a traitor. Feigning inattention I stated, "It's a sign of genius."

"Or not," was all James replied. I slapped his hands away from my teacup, which held a couple drops of cold tea. I stood and gathered my books while James stood back with his arms crossed.

"What are you doing here anyways? I didn't ask for a wake up call."

"Well, since I covered your duties tonight I thought I could come get you to grovel at my feet for being so generous."

"In your dreams," I spat at him out of habit.

James gave me a wink, "Which aren't nearly as talkative as yours."

Picking up the five separate volumes of potion encyclopedias I stood and brushed my hair from my face. Politely I said, "Thank you for covering my duties. I won't grovel but I will cover for you if you need."

James gave a chuckle, which took my breath away. "You'll do as I please. You are at my mercy." He reached out and like a gentleman took my books for me and began walking toward the doors leading away from the library.

I bit my lip to hide a smile. Casually he sauntered beside me as we walked the quiet halls of Hogwarts. I too was quiet marveling at this dreamlike feeling James's presence had over me tonight.

"You're quiet." He remarked. I shrugged. "I think I like you better tired. You aren't so difficult." He laughed at his own jibe.

"You're pretty tame yourself. No rules to break tonight then?" I retorted stealing away the books from him defiantly. Smoothly he grabbed them back and made to bite at my hand. I tucked it underneath my arm and pouted.

"I am actually sort of worn out. Praise Merlin for the upcoming holiday. I don't think I can bare another week of testing." He shook his head.

"Hmph. I didn't think anything could unsettle you, Potter."

"Yeah well, I actually need to do well in classes this year."

"You're a changed man." I joked.

"Indeed."

For a second I was sad at the thought but then I remembered how big headed he was before and how this year he'd hardly spent a minute pursuing me. It was a relief to be friends.

We were quiet the rest of the walk to the Gryffindor tower. When we entered the common room it was empty and the fireplace had a spark of life left to it. Sighing I took my books from James and set them on a table beside my favorite armchair.

Lifting my wand I cast a spell at the fireplace and it roared to life unnaturally fast making my face burn with its heat. I sat down in the armchair and opened the book on top of my stack, curiously I glanced up where James had been standing moments before. He was still standing there with a look on his face.

"You're not honestly going to continue studying are you?" He asked in disbelief.

I frowned and tried to think of a way to explain to Potter just exactly what was on the line tomorrow besides my grade. But before I could say a word he pulled an armchair opposite of me, sat down, stole my book from my lap and asked me a question I didn't actually hear. I saw his mouth moving but I was too confused to make out his words.

"Huh?" I said brilliantly.

James cocked an eyebrow at me, "I said, what ingredients make up the Threst potion?"

"Why do you ask?" I asked him, a reprise of my stupid questions for the night.

He set his hands down in an exasperated fashion. "Evans. I'm going to help you study. Now stop being so bloody smug about it and answer the question."

I gave a chuckle, "You mean…you help me? Why that's impossible!"

James narrowed his eyes. "No, just improbable."

"Are you under a spell?" I snapped my fingers in front of his face. "Who's got you drinking sour butterbeers? There is no way you aren't here to sabotage me."

"All in the name of love my dear." James replied in a bored expression.

"Pish posh. Love is no excuse for setting my hair on fire Potter." I told him coldly bringing up the prank he pulled on me in third year. I still hadn't forgiven him.

"I didn't mean to." He objected then tried to hide his grin behind his hand. I scoffed. "Oh come on Evans! I'm really here to help you. Now accept the help graciously like I know you're capable and let's be done with it. Shall we?"

"Oh." I wiggled my eyebrows at James and told him, "I know why you're so eager to aid me. I get it. Oh Potter did you really think I wouldn't catch on? Come on now. You're hate of Severus is legendary…and not necessarily misplaced. But you can't truly think I'll sit here and let you help me for that reason."

James looked offended. "Go away. Go to sleep. I am going to kick his arse of my own accord thank you very much." I insisted. I replaced my book back to my lap and kicked Potter in the leg to motivate him to leave.

"Evans, no matter what anyone tells you, stubborn is not becoming on you." Then the stood and walked away making faces at me.

"Nor is immature on you, love." I informed mocking him.

"La la la I can't hear you." He whispered at me from the top of the stairs over looking the common room.

"Talk to the hand." I hollered up at him.

Instantly he scolded me, "Evans, be quiet would you? Merlin! People are trying to sleep you know. We aren't all crazy bibliophiles up at ungodly hours to study." With that, before I could get the last word in, he disappeared off to his dormitory.

I fumed at this fact and contemplated going up to his dorm and saying something really nasty. But then I came to my senses. You know those rational things you get sometimes? I forced myself to focus on my encyclopedia after that, though the focus drifted away after a while and morphed into a something else. Sleep…

James couldn't quiet get the smile off his face as he got into his sleep ware. The image of Lily's peacefully sleeping face cemented itself to the back of his eyelids. Every time he tried to close his eyes and sleep he saw her and felt slightly giddy all over again at the successful night of banter and perhaps…bonding.

Something had changed this year between himself and Lily. Years previous he had ruthlessly chased after the red head and she refused him day after day, year after year. Finally this year she was different.

So was James though. He'd grown up a bit and it was true that school stole away some of his attention from Lily. This year he'd found himself interested in other girls too. Which was genuinely new, though Lily still owned his heart.

They were now something of friends instead of bitter enemies. She tolerated his presence now and actually spared a smile or two his way. He was restless with thoughts of Lily and he rolled over and over in his bed knowing she was right down stairs by herself relentlessly studying in that stubborn way she had.

Finally after a time James carefully got out of his bed and padded down the stairs to see how her progress was going. However instead of finding her ready to tear him down for bothering her, James found Lily sprawled out in the armchair sleeping deeply.

Tenderly he gathered her books into a neat stack and then he bent down to be face to face with Lily as she slept. With a wary finger James poked it into her arm. Her eyes flickered beneath her eyelids. He poked her again softer this time and her eyelashes fluttered open and groggy green eyes stared at him in confusion.

Without saying anything Lily sat up in a haze of drowsiness. Her eyes were barely open and James took her hand into his. Whispering calming nothings in her ear he helped her stand and practically carried her to the girl's staircase.

When they reached the stairs Lily slumped into James and gave a soft little snore. James stifled a laugh. Then he scooped her into his arms. Slowly he climbed a couple of steps relishing the feel of her in his arms, and breathing in her candy sweet perfume. Then he came upon the trick stair, the one that would make the staircase turn into a hazardous slide. Holding Lily close he stroked a piece of hair from her face and she woke up slightly. In one fluent movement he set her down on her feet and held both of her hands to keep her standing up.

"Okay Lily, just up the stairs into your bed okay?" James told her.

"But- Sev's probably still up." She protested and then a huge yawn over came her making her legs wobbly.

Patting her shoulder James said, "You will do great tomorrow. There is no one better than you at potions. The only thing you need to do is sleep so you'll be ready. I believe in you."

Yawning again she nodded and unexpectedly gave James a hug. Before he could react however, and while his mind was in shock and delight, Lily took a step up the stairs and made her slow way to the top waiting until the very last moment possible to let go of James's hand.

James watched her go then yawning himself, and then he climbed the stairs to his own bed and plopped down without a fight. He fell asleep with in minutes.

"Well done!"

"Brilliant Lily."

"You showed him."

I exited the dungeons with a swarm of gleeful Gryffindors congratulating me. I had not even realized but there was a heavy lump stuck in the back of my throat through out the entire ordeal in Slughorn's. It only now dissipated as I left behind the dungeons and Sev's furious face he hid behind that curtain of black hair.

My face fell as I thanked the supportive group around me._ Poor Sev, _I thought miserably reflecting on how red he became the meager three times he missed a question.

Just then James came up beside me with his posse of friends whooping and hollering in the name of Gryffindor. He noticed my sour expression and said quietly, "Smile sunshine, he got what he deserved."

Suddenly enraged I wanted to yell at James Potter that Sev deserved nothing of the sort. But before I could formulate a sentence he joined in a chorus of celebratory cheers with lyrics that mocked the Slytherins.

Clenching my mouth shut I fell behind the group and rubbed the sleep from the corner of my eyes. I wonder if Sev had seen that. If he could tell that I was exhausted because he truly was a worthy opponent. I wonder if he could tell that I was terrified to face him. The entire class with every question Slughorn demanded an answer of me I felt like the threads holding Severus and I together were clipped into pieces.

"Come on Lily," Gracie turned and looked to me. I shook my head.

"I'll catch up with you." I said hoarsely.

She nodded reluctantly but carried on with the rambunctious group of Gryffindors. I stood with my back against a wall and waited for Severus to come out of the dungeon. I had to talk to him.

After several moments he finally emerged. He was hunched over his head hanging low and the sight of it made me sick. I felt like an evil bitch. How could I ever have agreed to this?

I caught up with him and at first I couldn't say anything.

"Good match." I finally decided on. However Snape was decidedly silent towards me. I forged on anyways my voice a bit higher than normal.

"I was up all night studying. I barely got any sleep. You really had me up in arms."

"Shut up." He snapped at me.

Taken aback I stopped walking. "Excuse me?"

"You heard me."

My mouth was ajar in an angry frown. "Sev, you did really well. You should be proud. No one else knew the answers to those questions in the class! I mean that one with the barley leaves had me really stumped! But you knew it. You're really good at potions you know?"

"Get away from me. Go gloat somewhere else." He growled.

I grabbed his arm and whirled him around to face me. My nostrils flared. I didn't know what to say but then it all came out in a rushed jumble. "Severus you did this! This was all your idea! I didn't want to battle you. Friends don't battle each other. I just wanted to take the stupid final like everyone else."

"We are not friends. I do not consort with mudbloods."

I slapped him across the face just then. Before I knew it I had him pinned to the ground and I was wrestling him and hitting him and trying to keep my crying quiet. A group formed around us almost instantly. Like moths to a flame students came to watch a fight.

I grabbed Snape's wand from his pocket and threw it hard away from him. That's when he pinched the underside of my thigh and I fell backwards. He crawled on his hands and knees to his wand. When he reached it he unleashed a dark spell on me that felt like my head was going to explode. Blind with anger I fired a spell at Severus and petrified him. When he was still and I only felt a minor throbbing resound through my head I faced him.

"You're a bloody prat!" I screeched hiccupping. "My blood's got nothing to do with the fact I'M BETTER THAN YOU AT POTIONS AND NO MATTER HOW MUCH DARK MAGIC YOU DO I WILL ALWAYS BE BETTER THAN YOU. AND I'M NOT SORRY FOR THAT."

Suddenly strong arms slithered around my waist and lifted me up kicking and carried me away from Snape's pained face. Breathing hard I freed myself from James, of course. I stomped off toward the lake a bunch of girls in my house chasing after me but I wouldn't see any of them right now.

I was pacing back and forth on the outskirts of the forbidden forest when James finally showed up ten agonizing minutes later. "Go away." I said and returned to pacing.

James didn't say anything he just held out a mint candy to me. I laughed tonelessly and said, "Potter this is hardly the time to tell me I've bad breath you know."

"It's to help with your head." He told me mildly. I groaned at the mention of it as the pain returned to me and I was now unable to ignore it.

"Way to go. I'd almost forgotten about that." I grumbled and took the mint. Then I sat down heavily. James sat beside me.

"Mid terms are over." He stated plainly. I didn't respond. "First day of holiday is tomorrow. What a relief." He kept going, "Sometimes I think it'd be great to always be on holiday. But how could you ever appreciate holiday unless it was rare? Maybe if you are on holiday too much being on holiday itself becomes a chore. Then what can you do? You can't take a holiday from a holiday."

I laughed. "Thanks Potter that was deep."

He shrugged, "I think I'm going to sleep a third of the time I'm on holiday."

"Oh Merlin. Sleep sounds nice," I told him thinking wishfully for my bed. The cold was starting to penetrate through my sweater and outdoor cloak. It was mid afternoon and the sun was still out but we sat in the shade and the wind though weak, was bitter cold and crept down my spine.

"Yeah. What are you going to do for holiday?" James asked me.

"I'm staying at Hogwarts. Too much to do this year to waste two weeks away at home procrastinating."

"My thoughts precisely."

"Did you hear about the storm that's supposed to blow in? Monstrous is what the daily prophet is predicting. Storm of the century, it'll be good to have the lake to ourselves when it freezes over." I commented thinking about ice skating and feeling excited.

"I haven't heard that. I'll have to write my mum and ask her to send along an extra pair of socks. She knits the really soft kind." He chuckled. "They do wonders in the snow."

I couldn't keep the pride out of my voice, "Oh I know, I can make those." I laughed and James looked at me surprised.

"You can? I thought that was a lost art!"

"Nope, I learned from Molly. You know- Arthur's girl? She's a genius at that kind of thing. She'll be a great mom one day."

"Incredible."

"If you're nice to me I'll make you a pair in case your mother doesn't come through," I offered shyly flicking a glance at James.

He looked completely satisfied and said, "Okay deal." Then under his breath he said, "Toss that letter…"

I laughed. "It's really not that hard. Just a matter of demonstration. If you show the needles how to make a line of stitches flawlessly it will continue doing that and voila you've got a perfect pair of socks. But don't sell my secrets."

James put a hand to his heart and said, "Promise."

We were quiet for a moment and I felt at peace despite the coldness that stung at my face and the knuckles of my hands.

"Kind of chilly, shall we head back?" James asked me and it was only then that I noticed he didn't have a cloak on.

"Yeah alright. My hands are starting to freeze." I stood up and shoved them in my pockets. But after a couple of steps to the castle James walked really near to me and stuck his own frozen hands into my pockets.

I laughed and James begged me to, "Have a heart! My hands are getting frost bite!" I conceded with a playful roll of my eyes. I didn't even notice when my fingers intertwined with his in the depths of my pockets. They were big and cold and it felt nice to have them holding my hand.

Conversationally I said, "It's like if my hands are cold then I'm cold. I could be in a skirt without leggings at 50 below but if I have a pair or gloves I don't feel it at all."

He laughed, "I'm not like that. If my hands are cold…my hands are cold. I'm a heat machine sort of anyways, I'm always hot to the touch."

I sputtered, "So full of yourself aren't you?" Then laughed.

"But it's true!" He protested and bumped my shoulder companionably.

"Oh dear I think I'm getting weak in the knees," I said in a deadpan tone.

James nodded in agreement, "I have that affect on people."

"You ought to come with a warning label." I perked and said too happily, "I could tattoo one on your forehead for you." I gave a false smile making James chuckle.

We entered Hogwarts finally and I was very relaxed. It was then that those buggered senses came again. I quickly let go of James's hand and stepped away from him averting my eyes. "Thanks for the chat." I said already turning to the stairs to go into my room to hide. Students were staring at me with mixtures of pity, interest, and pride on their faces.

"Anytime." But I was already practically a floor up and away from James.


	2. Toublesome

**AN: Not my property…**

**2.**

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Dinner time rolled around much too quickly. I was dreading being in the same room as Severus. But I put on a smile and walked with a group of Gryffindor girls to the Great Hall. The girls all eagerly told me of their plans for the coming two weeks and while tales of Aspen and Paris were interesting I was relieved to see Grace had saved me a seat beside her.

"Carline, that sounds like a really exciting holiday. I know you'll be busy being a glamorous skier, but will you write me everyday and tell me about your escapades?" I asked Carline. She assured me she would and then we parted ways after I shared with her some advice about chair lifts. She was a pureblood and was unfamiliar with the idea of moving chairs.

Finally I sat down next to Grace and gave her a smile. "Thanks for the seat mate."

"Sure thing. Where is Carline going anyways? Her suitcase is the size of a train."

"Aspen. Lucky girl," I said before greedily grabbing a biscuit and taking an unceremonious big bite out of it.

"Oh. Lucky indeed. I'm stuck for a whole week at my Aunt Maggie's place. How will I cope? She'll make me bake cookies and sing 'Oh Christmas Tree' a billion times. The whole thing is down right ghastly."

I giggled through a mouthful of biscuit and managed to say, "Dreadful."

"Remus, I don't think Lily understands the full severity of it all," Grace complained to her boyfriend who was seated on her other side.

"No Grace, she said dreadful it can't get any more accurate than that." He replied.

Grace sighed and buttered a roll of her own then muttered, "Catastrophic, tortuous…"

"Cruel, inhumane." Remus agreed.

"Luckily you'll only be a town away." Grace told him with a tender smile.

Remus puffed out his chest and said, "I'll bewitch your Aunt Maggie in her sleep to prove my love."

Grace laughed and a smile snaked it's way onto her lips, "Bewitch her how?"

Remus grinned and said quietly, "Cold sores."

"My hero!" Then they abandoned their plates of food to snog passionately.

James sidled up to the table just then with Peter Pettigrew, a buck toothed boy with dimples, and Sirius Black, a dashing fellow with dark hair and a heart melting smile.

"Oh Merlin, they are so precious I might be sick." Sirius howled covering his face. In retaliation Remus and Grace flicked spoonfuls of mashed potatoes at him.

"Hello chums." James said taking a seat opposite of me his plate piled high with food.

"Careful of the potato brigade," I warned him dryly pointing lazily at Grace and Remus who had gone back to snogging indecently.

"Hey Lily!" Peter greeted me cheerfully flashing a toothy grin.

" 'Lo Peter. How'd that final go?" I asked him referring the Charms midterm I'd spent a couple of afternoons helping him prepare for.

Around a forkful of yams he told me, "It went quite good."

"Excellent." I picked up the fork placed to my right and examined it for spots before using it to scoop a mountain of stew onto my plate. Next I held up my cup to make sure it was clean and then poured milk into it. I took a large gulp.

"Ah- refreshing. Say, I wonder who decided to milk a cow for the first time anyways," I pondered aloud before eating some stew off my plate.

Grace giggled and gestured like she was milking a cow and Peter coughed into his hand with a laugh. Sirius made a face and then laughed but James said, "You would wonder about something like that." This made Sirius laugh harder and he banged his fists on the table top.

"Oh shut up," I scowled and took another sip of milk.

"Lily I have a serious question for you," Sirius said unexpectedly.

"Oh Merlin, not another would you rather scenario." I rolled my eyes.

"You must have an O in divination because that is exactly what it is!" Peter chuckled at the crack. "Awlright here it is the question of the night… Would you rather be pecked to death in an obscure Owlery, or, let the giant squid in the lake eat you?"

"I'd rather let the squid eat me." I replied and James made a face as I said it.

"Even if your body was excreted whole?" Sirius asked eagerly making the table groan in disgust.

"Oh that's sick. Fine, no, I'd want to be pecked to death then."

"Ha!" He triumphed, "Got you to change your mind." Then he gave Remus a high five of victory.

I scoffed and said, "Yeah but you didn't tell me this was going to be circumstantial."

Grace nodded and pointed an accusatory finger at Sirius, "You've got to call circumstances before you do that."

"Pssht. Very well then next time I'll call circumstances and you will still loose and change your mind."

"We'll see about that." With that I flicked a pea from my stew at Sirius and he ducked and returned the favor by wiping a handful of dressing on my sleeve. Laughing I wiped my arm on Grace who protested loudly drawing the attention of the entire Great Hall. Sheepishly I looked around and spotted Severus looking at me stone faced. My good mood vanished and I had to fight the urge to make a rude hand gesture at him.

My appetite vanished along with my good humor and I pushed my plate away from me in repugnance. James nudged my legs underneath the table with his feet. I looked up at him and he mouthed to me, "Cheer up sunshine."

Sighing I faked a smile then began to twirl my hair restlessly while Grace finished eating. I was hoping she'd use her best friend intuition and realize I needed some healthy distractions. Unfortunately she was very much absorbed in Remus despite the fact they would only be a ten minute broom ride away from each other over the holiday.

We ended up sitting at the table long after the dishes cleared, magically of course, and long after all the other students left to enjoy their last night at Hogwarts. We talked amongst ourselves bantering back and forth laughing at the other's expense. But finally late into the evening Peter stood from the wooden bench and stretched.

His back gave a chorus of sickening cracks but he only laughed. "Well, I've still got to get up early to pack my things. Night." Then he excused himself and left the Great Hall. I saw in the corner of my eye Remus and Grace exchange a look and right on cue Remus declared, "Yes, well I've got some last minute things to do tonight too. Good night Lily. See you mates in the dorm."

He got up too and left, Grace hot on his heels with the excuse that she had to, "Fold my clothes just right to prevent wrinkles." Sirius coughed and it sounded something like, "Liar." I snickered as Grace feigned confusion.

"Well it looks like it's just us." James said looking from me to Sirius.

"Sorry to disappoint. But I've actually got a couple of ladies to wish farewell to tonight. I've put them off for far too long this night. Duty calls."

I watched him go and noticed a pretty blonde 5th year waiting for him at the doors of the Great Hall. He snaked an arm around her and they walked out of my sight.

Shaking his head James said, "Who needs 'em. I'm sure you can entertain me all by your lonesome Evans."

I stifled a yawn, "Oh yeah, I'm tons of fun." James gave me a wry smile.

"Look at you practically a narcoleptic. I saw you trying to hide it all night." I giggled.

"Can't help it if you're a bore."

"Touché. As much as I know you'd like to deprive yourself more sleep we ought to get out of here and take care of duties. Before I end up carrying you again." James stood but I suddenly snapped awake.

"What?" I demanded more than asked.

"What?" He asked me back.

"Don't answer with a question. What are you talking about?"

"Nothing." He averted his eyes and pressed on toward the doors. Feeling a bit uncomfortable I followed wondering if the dream I had of James carrying me up a set of stairs was actually not a dream. Decidedly denying I shrugged it off and fell into step beside him.

"Is Sirius going to be here over holiday?" I inquired changing the subject.

"No, he's in the same boat as Grace. An awful aunt to visit this year."

"No envy there."

"None what so ever." We exchanged smiles and for a moment I wondered if James was going to try to stick his hand in my pockets. Then I realized I didn't have any pockets for him to stick his hands in.

Interrupting my thoughts someone shouted from a nearby corridor. We quickened our pace and rounded a corner to find a couple of arrogant 2nd years picking on a cowering 1st year. I became enraged.

"What's this all about then?" I asked loudly startling the 2nd years. I stared at each one menacingly. A short chubby one in the front opened his mouth and replied, "Nothing ma'am."

James lifted an eyebrow. "Doesn't look like nothing."

"What are you the nothing expert?" A scrawny 2nd year asked from beside the chubby one.

"As a matter of fact I am. Certified and everything. In my professional opinion this looks very much like something." I bit my lip to keep a smile off my face.

"They're mad cause I accidentally broke the wings off their wind-sweeper." The 1st year said meekly referring to the broken broom figurine on the floor.

"Is that so." I bent down to be face to face with the 1st year and I asked, "You said it was an accident?" He nodded his head. I rounded on the 2nd years, "He said it was an accident so why are you pressing it?" None of them had an answer.

"That'll just be two days detention with McGonagall. To teach you about forgiveness and understanding. Now it's past your curfew please go to your common rooms and stay there."

"Don't let us catch you misbehaving again or McGonagall detention will look generous." I warned. The kids scattered off like dogs with their tails between their legs.

"Kids." James said with a sigh. Then we continued our stroll through the halls with little incident.

Finally we came upon the Gryffindor common room and James, the gentleman, walked me to the staircase. I wasn't surprised to find the room empty. Everyone was resting up after finals no doubt.

"Well, night then." He said to me. There was a pause after he said that where we looked at each other awkwardly. I was just about to go when he cleared his throat. He seemed nervous and when his hand flew to his hair and rumpled it I knew for a fact he was.

"Yeah?"

"Well, erm…I was just thinking that it'll just be us this holiday." He began and I wasn't sure if I liked where he was going.

"That's true." I said.

"Well, I was wondering if you'd want to maybe sneak into Hogsmead with me, or maybe go skating. Or something…" He wasn't blushing but he was shifting his legs a lot.

"Uhm. Yeah alright." I agreed but then stupidly I added, "But just as friends." I could have kicked myself seeing the way his face fell a bit.

"Of course!"

"Well I just meant…" I stammered. "I just meant that. Well you know."

By the look on James's face I could tell he had no clue. So I awkwardly shook his hand and then hurried up the stairs. "Night, Potter."

When I got to my dorm I found Betha and Louise still up and packing at a glacial pace. Grace hadn't returned from her adventure with Remus though. I sat down on my bed and the girls greeted me with broad smiles. They fell back into meaningless conversation as I rummaged through the trunk at the foot of my bed.

Finally feeling the coarse yarn on my fingertips I grabbed the ball of yarn and pulled it out glad to see my knitting needles were securely in place. I changed into a plain purple top and a pair of silky white bottom then settled into my soft bed and fought sleep to knit a perfect pair of socks.

I finished the socks that night but fell asleep immediately after. I awoke from a nightmare sweaty and hot. Grace had finally made it to bed and Betha was snoring loudly like always. It was very late and I shoved the covers off me to sit up. Looking down at my lap I saw the perfect socks and felt comforted by them.

My nightmare had been about Severus. In my dream I saw his veined arm outstretched with a horrible long fingered hand carving a skull and snake into his white skin with a gnarled wand. I could hear his moans of pain still and thinking about it sent a chill down my spine. A lingering feel of evil hung over me and so I decided to get up. Without thinking I took the socks with me and before I noticed I had climbed the stairs to the boys dormitory and was peeking through doors trying to find James to give him his gift.

Stopping mid step I was still with horror.

I was in the boy's dormitory.

Looking for James Potter.

To give him a pair of socks.

At probably two in the morning.

Feeling the part of the stupid idiot I was playing I slapped my hand to my forehead and turned on my heel to go back into my bed.

"Evans…?" Came a drowsy voice from behind me.

I held my breath and shut my eyes tightly praying it was my imagination playing tricks on me. But the sound of bare feet on the cold stone floor assured me this was all very real. And mortifying.

I whirled around to find James standing a few feet away from me in a pair of plaid pajamas and no shirt. Oh Merlin.

"Uh." I said dully.

Surprising me James asked, "Are you okay?" His voice was filled to the brim with concern.

"Uh." I repeated. Then foolishly I held out the socks to him.

He stepped forward and took them from me. In the dark I saw his gleaming smile. He fiddled with the socks and whispered to me, "Incredibly soft." He still hadn't asked why on earth I was giving him the socks at two am.

"Yeah." I whispered back a bit breathy. "I can't sleep." I admitted.

"You want some company?"

"I don't know. But something feels…" I paused groping in the dark for the right word to express the fear I'd felt in my dorm. I settled for, "yucky." James walked over to me and I could see his eyes were kind of closed with weariness and his hair was ruffled.

Before I could say anything else he took my hand in his and we sat down on the floor in the boy's dormitory corridor. Our knees touched and I felt a smile creep its way onto my face at the sight of James's bare feet beside my own.

Seeing my look James mocked offense and put on the socks I had made him. I giggled but tried to muffle it with my hand. He gave me a gentle smile and whispered, "That's it sunshine. Smile."

Then I did another stupid thing. I told James Potter, "I like it when you call me that."

"What? Sunshine?"

"Yeah." I blushed a furious blush.

"I like calling you it."

"Well I'm glad we both like something."

"Me too." He agreed.

I snorted and said, "We need to stop agreeing, it's unnatural." His fingers stroked my hand.

"Or maybe you could tell me more about this yucky thing…?"

I took a shuddering breath I'd meant to hide. "It's nothing."

"Mmm, I see. Must I remind you of my qualifications in the nothing department?" I shrugged in reply. "Was it like the kind of yucky you feel when you're home alone and you hear a creak? Or the kind of yucky that you feel when you had some bad cabbage?"

"The former."

"Well, don't you worry a bit." He said reassuringly and I occupied myself by looking at his bare, toned arms.

"I can't help it. I think Sev is in trouble." After I said that I got the feeling James wanted to let go of my hand and I looked up in his eyes hesitantly. His face had hardened slightly but his hands were sweet as ever on my own.

"I think that might be your guilt about today." He said extra quiet.

"Maybe."

"Just don't forget that Snivellus is perfectly aware of his actions. These aren't mistakes. He knows what he is doing and what it's doing to you."

"Yeah." The cold of the floor started to numb my behind as we sat there. "My bum is cold."

"Blasted floors." James said with humor.

"Sadly I think my bed might be colder yet." I sighed thinking of my sweat soaked sheets.

James leaned in close to me and whispered, "If I could knit, I'd knit you a new bed." I guffawed at the thought of James with knitting needles. "If you want you're welcome in my bed."

I looked up at James and gave him a reproachful look, "Yeah right."

He shrugged, "Just offering."

I yawned and gave his hand a squeeze, "I'll just have to suffer." But suddenly the thought of going back into my bed made me uneasy.

James stood up abruptly and held out a finger to tell me to wait. He tiptoed into his dorm which I counted was the third door on the left and returned with a massive quilt. It was made up of Quidditch team logos and I wanted to laugh at the predictability of it all. James Potter with a Quidditch quilt!

"Here you are. To chase away the chill. This is the warmest blanket I have ever owned. It will keep you toasty." Then as if I were a child he wrapped me up in the quilt. Funnily enough I did feel warmer, but it was deeper than just temperature.

"Thank you." He adjusted the quilt to snuggle closely around my neck as I said this.

"You bet." I wanted to hug him or something to show my gratitude but somehow I found myself walking away already leaving him shirtless, sleepy, and sweet in the hallway. When I got back to my bed I fell into it with James's blanket securely around me and fell asleep without a worrisome thought.

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	3. Whirlwind of Denial

**AN: **_I do not own these characters. JKR does. Please review if you read. Thanks. Also sorry for any mistakes & thank you for your kind words of encouragement._

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I woke up extremely early the first unofficial day of holiday with an exasperated sigh. It was seven o'clock in the morning! My entire body ached and my eyes burned in vain for more sleep. But no matter how hard I tried to bury my head in my pillows or cover my head with an unfamiliar blanket, I couldn't snooze back to bliss.

Irritated beyond ordinary morning grumpiness, I got out of my lovely and warm bed to find my towel and bathrobe. The other girls were still asleep and when I caught sight of James's quilt I was immensely relieved. What would I say? Could I name off some obscure student and hope no one would inquire to him? It was obvious I couldn't tell anyone, not even Grace, that it was James who had given me his blanket right off his own bed. That would require explanation that I'd sought him out late at night in the boy's dormitory.

Well, maybe I could tell Grace. She'd done odder things, I decided stumbling my way down the hall to the bathroom for a long overdue shower.

I crept into the dining hall much later that morning and took a furtive look around. Neither Betha, my nosy roommate, nor James was present. I thanked my lucky stars and sat down heavily on the nearest wooden bench. Hearing my stomach growl right on cue I filled my empty plate to the top with still fresh hot breakfast.

I rather sensed Severus standing beside me more than I saw him. Turning my head to the looming black figure I slurped my oatmeal rudely. "Come to call me more nasty names?" I asked the sniveling prat.

"Not at all," Severus said through his clenched jaw.

"Oh, then you just want to get beat up again." I felt a pang of self-loathing at the sentence.

"You won't be so smug one day." Severus snarled at me.

Furious I looked at him careful to keep my face blank, "Today is not that day. Get out of my sight. Before I magically banish your slimy face."

We stared at each other long and hard. Finally with much more drama than was needed Severus swept away with a swish of his black cloak. I bitterly thought about how he had a way to make my hunger disappear with just a look.

Feeling positively dreadful I marched the stairs to my dorm to walk Grace to her holiday doom, though I couldn't escape my own.

"Bye Grace!" I said for the fifth time as she clambered into a carriage to be taken to the Hogwarts Express. Her anguished face peered out at me from the carriage's window and she waved languidly. I watched her go feeling torn about not mentioning the blanket fiasco. Grace would kill me no doubt when I finally spit it out but I just didn't really want anyone to know about it.

The reason for this desire I couldn't put my finger on however. It was either, and most likely, because I didn't want James and his dopey friends to get the wrong idea. Or it was because I didn't want to share that sweet moment with anyone except James.

Yawning I headed back to the castle but my roommate, Betha, intercepted me. "Morning Lily. Before I leave can I ask you a quick question?"

_Beetlejuice_, I thought. I had been able to avoid Betha all morning, not giving her the chance to ask me the question I knew she was dying to ask. I had even hid in the showers much longer than any ordinary day, and I'd eaten breakfast nearly a half hour later than normal. Extreme measures had been taken so Betha couldn't ask me the question.

Betha forged on, "I was just curious whose blanket that was on your bed?" She raised an eyebrow and smiled scandalously.

"A friend's," I answered vaguely. Sure, I was fond of Betha, but I knew probably better than anyone what a gossipmonger she was. If I told her it was James's quilt she might die of shock, then bewitch herself back alive to tell just about _everyone_.

Betha seemed unsatisfied by my answer. "Well, do I know them?"

"No, you don't, actually. You see, the blanket came all the way from Sweden where I've got tons of mates."

Betha's eyes widened, "Really? Wow, that's far."

Keeping all traces of sarcasm from my voice I said, "Yes, really." I fought the urge to roll my eyes then gave Betha a hug goodbye. She pranced away to a carriage already whispering into an eager ear about my Swedish secret admirer. On my journey across the grounds I received all sorts of unwelcome looks and giggles. News traveled fast, I decided with a smidgen of annoyance.

That afternoon I hid in the dungeons trying out my potion recipes. As if to reciprocate my mood I had potions blowing up in my face almost every ten minutes. I was staring challengingly at my cauldron daring it to spit its contents at me one more time when my precious post owl, Hild, found me.

Hild carried small parcels, a simple note from home, and a daily prophet. I scratched his head and untied the note. The owl flittered out of the poorly lit room leaving me to read the flimsy Christmas card.

_Lily,_

Your father and I were very upset you decided not to return home these two weeks. However, we have faith that it is only because of your dedication to your work. In the meantime, if you can make a trip to the Post in Hogsmeade there will be several presents waiting for you there. Petunia's toe is healing right on schedule and we are pleased to announce Vernon, you know that sweet boy down the street, has finally, after years of courting your sister, proposed! We expect you to send a congratulations note. Have a happy Christmas and please write!

Mom & Dad 

I was unsurprised to see my sister had not signed her name at the bottom. She was of course still upset about the whole exploding toilet incident that had resulted in a broken toe. I had told her over and over I hadn't meant to make the toilet explode! Merlin, how many times must I explain my wand fell into it!

Anyways, I was genuinely happy for Petunia and Vernon. They would be a proper English, muggle, and happy couple. I couldn't wish Petunia more. However, I did feel slightly envious of the orderly ease my sister's life had taken to. I tucked the letter into my cloak pocket and returned to staring at my cauldron with distain.

I took a deep breath. I had to shake the blues away! I could not continue on like this. I opened the Daily Prophet and skipped over the boring business details of the magical world and headed straight for section 5C. The Horoscope page would give me a jump-start on what to do with my mood.

"_Venus, the planet of love, is getting together with Jupiter, the planet of ideas. _

_Passionate ideas may approach and may help you overcome the severe habit to brood (common in Aquarius's)._

_Maybe it is time to mix things up? _

_Try to make decisions out of your norm and you will find your problems dissipate. Planets predict a pleasant experience."_

I was curious as to what else the Daily Crock had to say about Aquarius's so I turned the page and read an in depth article.

It read, _"Aquarius's are regularly thought to be strong willed, bold thinkers with hearts of gold. However, this is a common misconception. Those traits are actually defining of a Pisces; the two signs are often confused because of their association to water._

"_In actuality, Aquarius's are the least emotionally developed of all the sings in the zodiac. The average Aquarius is prone to denial in most relationships. Responsibility for their actions are usually abandoned."_

I grimaced thinking of Petunia and mentally decided to write her a lovely apology letter. I continued reading rather hesitantly, _"However, there are redeeming qualities about Aquarius's. They are well-rounded people who are generally educated on many things and make for great conversationalists. It's hard not to like an Aquarius, and that is why it is not rare to find an Aquarius highly valued in any group of people. Wit and charms usually accompany great communication skills._

"_On the other hand they can be quite stubborn, and this trait can lead to burned bridges. Holding grudges is a bad habit and lead to deteriorated friendships that never are mended. Loyalty is greatly important to most Aquarius's and kindness is often extended to anyone without prejudgment to hold one back. Fairness and equality are common in Aquarius's._

_Serendipity does not favor the Aquarius. The planets generally align to give Aquarius's second chances, but their ostentatious feelings get in the way. The best time of year for an Aquarius is Summer and Neptune is the planet most in tune to the Aquarius way." _

I considered this for a moment, then, I tossed the paper in the nearest paper bin. _Utter tosh,_ I thought refusing to believe I was "ostentatious". I mean, yes, I could be a little bit mulish on occasion, but I wasn't nearly as immature emotionally as the article made it seem. Those kinds of things were way too general anyways. That description could be about anyone regardless of what month they were born in. Yet, I couldn't stop finding recognition in all aspects of my life from the words.

It was lonely in the dungeon without Slughorn around. I tapped an empty vial absently deep in thought about my horoscope and my failure at potion mixing today. Of course the article had failed to mention the academic superiority that was frequent in Aquarius's. Bored I packed up my ingredients and cleaned my cauldron; next I trudged up the steps to find something productive to do.

Outside was blustery and impossible for flying. I'd been determined to work on my form for the day. I wanted to get outside and fill my lungs with fresh air. Too bad it was much too windy to even step outside. I had begrudgingly settled for sitting on a secluded sofa in a corner of the library to stare outside wishfully.

With a cup of tea that I snuck inside I curled up to relax. However, my mind wandered back to my zodiac description. I wasn't denying anything I tried to tell myself. My brain seemed to think otherwise because it relapsed to the dream I'd had of James Potter carrying me up the steps the other night. Then it obnoxiously relayed all the times I told him I wouldn't date him if he were the last living thing on the planet. Only, not in so many words. Oh, who was I kidding I did say just _that_ and worse, I'd said it more than once.

I was interrupted moments later by a loud cough. I looked around and was surprised to find James standing before me with his hands shoved in his pockets. Forcibly clearing any thoughts of the paper from my mind I gave him what I hoped was a welcoming smile.

Before I could greet him though, he asked me most belligerently, "Who is Edgar?"

I blinked at his hostility, "I don't know." James glared at me and I felt tiny beneath his gaze. He seemed to be at a loss for words but his eyes were bright and penetrating. His question was vague and I was confused at it but his tone was loaded with emotion.

"So, you mean to say, Edgar isn't really your boyfriend then?"

"Who is Edgar? I don't even know an Edgar!" I exclaimed jumping off the sofa to stand face to face with the boy.

"Edgar is, supposedly, a Swedish celebrity that you are engaged to." James told me with scorn.

I scoffed and made a face. "That is absurd! How could you believe such nonsense?" I poked him in the chest.

He had the decency to look abashed. "Never mind." Then he turned swiftly and began to walk away. But I wouldn't let this rather gauche encounter end like that.

"Oi, where are you going?" I demanded jogging after him.

"I don't know."

"Well- I'll come with you," I told him running back to my teacup and sliding it under the couch where it would be safe until I could come back. I returned to his side and we walked in awkward silence, "You know, that was the first time we fought for real this year."

"More of a misunderstanding," James replied pinning me with that stare. I couldn't read his face or behavior and it made me uneasy.

"Yeah, where did that even come from anyways?" As I asked this question I began to understand and I silently cursed Betha.

"Some rumor," James replied vaguely. But I knew why he was angry before.

"Oh, well…those are rarely ever true." I wasn't sure what to say.

"Yeah." We did that awkward silence thing again. I felt unsure and guilty too. We walked the entire perimeter of the school before finding ourselves at a pair of doors leading outside. It was squally and the wind slammed against the heavy oak doors.

"Are you going out there?" I asked James and the wind gave another push against the doors. The windows shook, and I felt the breeze blow in underneath the doors.

He looked at me and I swore he was afraid to speak. Something magical seemed to pull both of us toward the doors despite the strong winds and my hesitation. I don't know why but a sudden urge came over me to feel the wind blow against my body.

When James said to me, "I could use some sunshine." I boldly grabbed his hand and pulled the door inward. They clattered open and a gust of wind swept over us. I laughed and the sound came from somewhere deep within my belly. Afraid to look at James I tugged at his arm and led him outside.

I was glad I had my cloak on, because beside the cold wind that made my ears sting, my cloak flapped in the wind every time I took a step. It was a whimsical effect. The wind was ridiculously strong, and bursts assaulted James and I from every direction. I was glad to see James wasn't hunkering down, instead he had his free hand outstretched and the wind whipped his sleeves making a flapping noise.

I walked easily which was unexpected and then suddenly we caught an explosion of wind that guided us out to the middle of a sea of grass. The grass was coarse, browning, and didn't ripple like I wished it would. But when I caught James's gaze and it didn't matter that the wind was cold, or that the grass was dead and rough.

There were no leaves to whisper at us, but the branches of the trees swung wildly and the dirt swirled in random patterns. There was nothing but the deafening sound of air in my eardrums but somehow it felt right when James grabbed my waist and led me through a waltz. Despite the odds I heard the melody in the wind and before long I was swaying with enthusiasm and losing the world every time James whirled me around his finger.

I would guess that if anyone had seen us they would have thought we looked right daft. Dancing in the strongest winds to hit Hogwarts all year. But there was an atmosphere between our gazes and I let all my emotions speak for me. I rested my head on James's shoulder, and twirled the curls on the back of his neck around my fingers.

It was as if the winds rattled my brain right side up and any doubts I had for James and his company vanished. Cobwebs that wrapped tight around my thoughts were blown away on the swift winds and I could only feel James in the obliteration of reality.

"Evans, can we be together this holiday?" James asked me but each syllable came on a new surge of air.

I studied his face while deliberating my answer; I knew he was asking me out. Again. His cheeks looked chapped from the wind and they were vibrant with rose color. I allowed my eyes to look past everything including his lips, long nose, and jaw before I met his eyes. My heart skipped a beat. Well not really, it was more of a delightful pain. The kind where I could feel my face soften and take on that wistful look. The kind where I felt my legs get wobbly and fingers come alive to the feel of the harsh cotton of his shirt. Deciding my heart wouldn't swell if I truly didn't want to be with Potter I wanted to nod.

But something, maybe habit, kept me from it. My thoughts were as chaotic as the wind that whipped around me. Past anger and frustration with James came at me and I wanted to break this moment. But then there was the tenderness of his friendship that I hadn't realized I cherished until that moment. I reminisced about the books he left for me on my desk last year. They had been huge, in depth books all about potions. I'd known they were from him even though he had denied it.

This brought on a new wave of thoughts revolving around denial. _"Prone to denial,"_ is what I'd been described to be by a stranger. Was I really denying something with James? Maybe, but I found it hard to believe dating him would help anything. Still what was the harm in mixing things up?

Keeping the hesitation out of my voice I whispered, "Okay. Just for the holiday though." I added the last bit as a safety net.

James broke into a tender grin and his lips moved but I didn't hear the sound. The next thing I know I glimpsed sight of a rupture of color leaking, like gas, out of a window in the distance where Hogwarts stood. Rainbow ribbons tore rips in the solid gray sky and I smiled as bright as the sun, I'm sure.

James had summoned a bright kite from his dorm window and I was so distracted by the sight and the warmth that over came me that I hardly noticed him placing a frail string in the palm of my hand.

Closing my fingers around the string I felt a tug and had to pull the string back to keep the kite from flying away. I laughed but I couldn't hear it because it soared away on the invisible periphery of the wind. I was elated like a little girl at the sight of the kite and I longed to run on the grass that would crunch satisfyingly. An uncensored fondness surfaced in me directed at James. I wrapped my arms around him indulging in the feeling of his hands on my back. I suppressed a shudder when his hot breath kissed at the tips of my frozen ears.

"Let's fly a kite then shall we," James said pulling away.

Holding tightly to his hand I raced him all over the grounds trying to keep a step ahead of him. My laughter interrupted though, and I couldn't contain my glee every time the kite flipped out of control, a victim to the winds. My cheeks hurt and I was dizzy with joy and surrealism.

We chased after the kite for what seemed like years oblivious to the cold oncoming storm. Seeing James gazing up into the sky, with his smooth column of a neck stretched out, I felt a connection with him. Like, in those precious moments where his hand found mine as we watched the kite dance in the sky I'd made the right decision, for the right reasons. Because there was something special about James. Something I'd overlooked for years, or maybe something I'd denied. Either way I was grateful to see it, finally.

After letting go of the string to the kite James and I walked back to the castle arm in arm. When we were out of the wind the quiet of the castle was deafening. Every time James murmured something to me in that dry humor he had I felt his voice reverberate off the walls. My giggles were louder though.

We had apparently missed supper. The only reason we made our way to the kitchen though was because I had a runny nose that James insisted on treating.

"Ah no. Are you sniffling?" He had asked me with concern lacing his voice.

Quickly I shook my head and tried to discreetly wipe my nose on my sleeve. But James wouldn't have it. "We should get some hot tea into you. I would never forgive myself if you got sick all because I had a whim to fly a kite."

I jeered, "You and your whims."

"Indeed."

After some persuasion James emerged from the kitchen with a large thermos of apple cider. Swinging it he walked me to the common room hand securely holding mine and I didn't mind at all.

"How's your sister?" James asked.

"Whiney as ever. You think it gets worse with age?" I half complained and half jibed.

"Depends," James said. "What's she got to whine about?"

I gave him a sheepish grin, "Well, I er, broke her toe." We arrived to the common room and entered. Our greeting was James's chuckle. Mostly the kids in the room ignored us too engrossed in their books or their letters to home. We sat without incident on a couch beside the fire.

"How did you manage that one?" James poked at me while handing me a mug of hot cider.

I grimaced and admitted, "My wand fell in the toilet." James chuckled again and I shot him a look that silenced everything but his smile. "I was just brushing my teeth one morning when Tuney elbowed herself in beside me at the sink and… _kerplunk_. My wand fell right in. I was mad, but not mad enough to have done anything magical. But then all the sudden my toilet started barking. I had enough sense to take cover at that time but Petunia, I think, was in shock. Two seconds after I dived out of the bathroom into the hall, the blasted toilet did just that- it exploded. A large piece of porcelain landed right on her toe. I wasn't terribly upset, it did shut her up in the mornings that followed."

James gave me a devilish grin, "I hardly call that fighting fair."

"Oh, be quiet. Toilets are not actually my weapon of choice."

"Of course not. Plungers are so much more accessible." James joked slapping his knee and laughing.

"Best watch yourself mate," I warned and wiggled my eyebrows dangerously.

"I can see it now," He raised his hand and gestured broadly. "The Daily Prophet will read, 'Incredibly handsome student attacked. Scuffle with plunger turns deadly.'"

I laughed then retorted, "I can't say I blame the plunger." I smiled.

James looked offended and bristled before telling me crossly, "Don't be surprised if I form an alliance with Petunia, Evans. We'll have an army of soap bars no match for your plunger."

It was my turn to pretend to be shocked, "You wouldn't!"

Sobering up from our drama James remarked, "This is the stuff of soap operas you know."

I sipped my cider before saying dramatically, "These are the days of our lives."

We continued to chitchat until the last kid finally gave into his yawns and left for bed. I was unusually wide-awake but I became weary when James finally brought it up. You know, the subject I was hoping to avoid forever. Our dating status.

James ran a hand through his hair that betrayed his casual air. "Tomorrow I was hoping you'd come along with me to Hogsmeade." I didn't respond right away. "No obligations." He added hastily.

I shifted uncomfortably on the couch and then said, "No, I'd like to. I have to run by the Post anyways. I've got some gifts with my name on them."

James couldn't hide his beaming smile. "Okay, so I'll meet you here tomorrow at say… noon?"

"Noon it is," I replied standing and then fleeing the room as quickly as possible. I was at the top of the staircase, over looking the balcony when I remembered James's blanket.

"Do you want your blanket back?" I asked suddenly leaning over the banister.

James looked up at me and smiled, "So, you're _not_ hijacking it forever. Yes, if you please."

"Alright. Hang on." I ran into my dorm and pulled the quilt off my bed. Then ran back to the balcony where I dumped the blanket off the side. James caught a majority of it on his head and I laughed for it seemed like ages. He uncovered his head and huffed at me.

"There better not be any itching powder in this," He warned warily.

I sighed, "Potter, really! Grow up." Then I skipped off down the hallway again to my dorm.

Upon entering I danced with an imaginary partner around the room. After getting into my favorite pair of warm pajamas I settled down into my bed. I was practically asleep when my window slammed open and a wind unsettled me abruptly. Shooting up out of bed I ran over to my window and went to close it. Just as the wind whistled to a silence and I had the window closed, a colorful wisp floated in. It landed on my floor beside my bare feet.

Curious I bent down and picked up a dainty striped sock. Though it seemed improbable, I just knew James was somehow responsible. Restraining a girlish giggle from escaping my lips, I stood with the sock clutched to my heart. Biting my smile down I hopped back into bed and reached inside the sock.

I pulled out an origami kite made of thin paper in a variety of pastel colors. I stared at the kite with a huge grin on my face. Then I dug out a piece of yarn from the trunk at the foot of my bed and fastened the kite onto it. Next I tied the yarn into a loose not around the rod hung for my curtains around my bed.

Falling back into my sheets I looked up and saw the kite dangling above me. My heart did that little swelling thing again. Perfectly in love with James Potter I slipped the striped sock onto my right foot and got under my covers. I fell asleep soundlessly and dreamed a whirlwind of pleasantries about a pair of hazel eyes.


	4. Officially in love

**AN: I don't own these characters. Please review if you read it! Thank you and I hope you like it! Sorry for the delay. : D**

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_Oh Merlin. Oh Merlin. Oh Merlin._

The morning after officially becoming James Potter's main holiday squeeze, I was a basket case. I paced my dorm all by myself biting my lip in nervousness trying to find a suitable outfit to wear on our first, official date. Something that was casual and didn't give away our official status. Something that didn't scream, 'WE'RE OFFICIALLY GOING STEADY'. Also, hopefully something that didn't officially tank my reputation.

Groaning in despair I discarded a sweater and tried not to even think the word, official. After forcibly emptying my mind I picked a random top of out my wardrobe and put it on without a second thought. Pushing my hair out of my eyes I admired myself in the mirror.

It was a good, plain, solid black turtleneck. Anxious I said aloud, "There are no hidden cryptic messages in turtlenecks. The only thing a turtleneck says is, 'my neck is cold'." With that in mind I buttoned up my pants with finality, decided on my outfit. The only decorative detail I added to my normal daily getup was a thick silk ribbon I tied into a bow in my hair. I hoped it wasn't too forward. But I really, really hoped it wasn't the official date accessory.

I was so wrapped up in my outfit I hadn't even noticed the snow outside. There was a firm drizzle of rain going that was desperately trying to turn to flakes but couldn't quite make it. The ground was slick with moisture and it glimmered brilliantly. The wind had let up, but for miles the sky was one solid charcoal colored storm cloud. Wary of the weather I wrapped myself securely in a teal scarf I favored outside of my Gryffindor colors. Then I buttoned up my wool jacket and took a moment to appreciate the softness of its fur-trimmed hood.

With a deep breath I went to meet James in the common room. He was standing at the fireplace with an arm leaning against the wall. He wasn't dressed any different from any other day, except for a heavy jacket. I tried to act casual as I approached him. When he turned to see me I was relieved he didn't have a flower to give me. He also didn't comment on how I looked and he didn't kiss my cheek.

All James said was, "Good morning. Hope you're up for an adventure, the snow is a bit deeper than I anticipated." Then he led the way toward the exit without looking me in the eye.

I followed deep in thought. Were we both playing casual? Was it just me who felt awkward? But when I saw James run his hand through his hair and rumple it, I felt reassured. That was his nervous tick. It gave me great satisfaction to know James was anxious.

One of the great things about staying at Hogwarts for holiday was that trips to Hogsmead were not monitored or regulated for seventh years. You could go any time you pleased, well at least as long as it was before curfew. That is why we took the scenic route to the little town instead of any underground passageways.

Our walk was quiet and we kept our hands to ourselves. "You excited for your gifts?" James queried.

"I am. I haven't actually seen my mum in person this year for her to slip up and tell me what I got. I genuinely have no idea what it'll be." I couldn't keep the enthusiasm out of my words, "That really makes it more fun."

James laughed at my keenness, "You live in constant suspense."

"I do! Though, I'm sure once I fondle the things I'll have them figured out. If it's heavy, square, and flexible I'm pretty sure I'll be getting a book. You know that sort of thing."

James smiled and held up his hands in a shrugging gesture, "Ah, actually I don't know. You see gifts around Christmas time at my house are all bewitched. If I even _look_ at them curiously something dreadful will happen. For example- when I was just a kid I went to pick the tape off one of the sides of a present under the tree. I just wanted to sneak a small peek but as soon as I got the tape off it static shocked me! I dropped the thing and it wrapped itself back up. The hairs on my arms stood up straight for the rest of the day."

We both laughed and the steams of our breaths mingled in the cold afternoon air. The beaten path to Hogsmead was now well behind us and we neared upon the bumbling little town. Packed in the streets were witches and wizards who walked with towering stacks of presents in their hands.

Haphazard boxes tilted on carts and magically balanced on the backs of broomsticks. A constant chatter had overtaken the streets as well. Strangers from all over apparated in and out all in search for the obscure candy from Honeydukes, or the unique joke items from Zonkos. Festive flyers were pinned to the windows of each shop, and on nearly every corner in the community there was a choir of elfin children singing syrupy sweet holiday songs.

James and I wound through the throng of holiday shoppers. The streets were slick with ice and I walked slowly with concentration so that I didn't slip and fall. The rain had turned into stout snowflakes that drilled down on us.

"So, tell me more about what a wizard's Christmas is like," I said to James after a bout of long silence.

His face broke into a smile, "It's…magical. Not to be cliché but it is. Every year we have a candy cane garden in the back yard."

Eyes wide I interrupted, "What's that?"

James snuck a look at me, as we began talking our pace slowed. "Well it's exactly as it sounds. A garden of candy canes."

"But candy canes don't grow," I protested.

"Maybe muggle candy canes don't." He told me and I didn't catch a hint of smugness from his words saving me the sting of ignorance I normally felt at learning things of the wizard world. Sometimes it was hard being muggle born, but it never felt that way around James. "Candy canes from a garden are the purest, freshest, mint you'll ever taste. It's like eating minted ice cubes down to the melt in your mouth sensation. They grow best in snow but a lot of people have to use magical snow. If you use magical snow it's not as good."

"Are they sugary?" I asked.

"There is a small amount of sugar in them- yeah. Picking the tallest ones in the garden is a tradition at my house." I smiled at the thought of picking candy canes from the earth on a snowy night. "My mum has spelled stockings too. They start out as festively striped socks that are tacked onto the wall, only big enough for a baby's foot. After every day, one day closer to Christmas, a new stripe appears on them. By the time Christmas arrives the stockings are at least as tall as you. And full of treats."

"Wow," I breathed imagining a sock unfurling into a gnarled stocking draped to the floor.

"Do you have snow globes?" James asked me relishing my attention.

"Yeah sure."

"Well, a wizard's snow globe is more than a ball of glitter and figurines. It comes to life. There are real trees and real snow and real reindeer pulling real sleds in a wizard's snow globe. You don't even have to shake it.

"My dad buys trick mistletoe too. The kind that doesn't stay put in one doorway. It's got a mind of it's own, this mistletoe. You could put it above your front door and two days later it's above your back door."

I laughed, "That's sneaky." James nodded.

"So what about you? What do you love the most about Christmas?" He inquired looking through his hazel eyes at me.

I paused thoughtfully glancing at the landscape around us before replying. "I love the gift exchange." James seemed surprised as I said this. "Not because I'm getting something but because I'm a whiz with gifts." I didn't bother keeping the smugness out of my voice.

"Oh are you?"

"Yes, I am." I couldn't help but wink, "You don't feel truly connected to a person until you see their face as they open the gift you are giving. Seeing all the words they thought no one could hear materialize through one parcel in fancy wrapping. All their private dreams embraced with a simple gesture. I just love it."

"I never thought of it like that," James pondered aloud.

I blushed concerned by my sincerity but it faded before James noticed. Then before I could dwell anymore on it James had hunched over suddenly on the side of the path. "What are y-," I began before he popped up and hit me in the face with a snowball.

Holding his stomach James said, "You should see your face. So priceless!"

Luckily shock didn't render me completely useless because without any hint of hesitation I ducked down and began balling up my own snowball. Still on bent knees I thrust my snowball in James's direction and it just nicked his shoulder. My hands were submerged in effort of another snowball when James hovered above me and lifted me up at my reluctance.

Still clutched in my freezing hands was a half balled snowball. I contemplated where to plunk it on James when his much warmer hand slipped into mine and forced the snow away. Intertwining our fingers James smiled down at me and walked me up an icy path to a small café. I didn't protest, who could when he smiled like that, all dimples and charm? Instead I focused on the way his hand held mine glad that the cold would prevent hand sweat.

The café was one I'd never been to before. It was settled neatly towards the back of Hogsmeade, where I rarely had time to venture. It was cozy and cabin-like with rickety tables and large flicker orb lights on each. Beams of wood vaulted from the ceiling and large lounging couches were positioned around a roaring fireplace with a glass mantle. The place was dim and intimate and I remembered as James led me to a discreet table in the back of the place that we were officially on a date.

I began feeling nervous and tried to look casual as I unwound my scarf and shrugged out of my coat. I sat down with a plop and watched James join me finding a chic ivory knit sweater beneath his bulky jacket.

"Nice sweater," I commented.

"Back attcha," James said and there was a sparkle in his hazel eyes. Praying he was receiving my turtleneck message a waitress arrived at our table and handed us each a menu. "This place has the most amazing hot chocolate," James told me and pointed at a picture of a white mug on the menu.

After a couple moments of deliberation I decided on a cup of hot chocolate and a bowl of soup. Turtle soup to be exact. James copied my request and the waitress left us alone.

"Are there really turtles in the soup?" I asked before silence descended upon us.

James had been fidgeting with a sugar packet. He looked up and smiled. "Hope you're not allergic." I tried not to look scared. I'd never eaten turtle before.

Interrupting the turtle turmoil in my mind, the waitress returned and set down two mugs of hot chocolate with a mountain of whip cream on top. She left before I could ask what was in the soup.

"Alright, moment of truth," James said and slid my cup of cocoa to me. I picked it up feeling the heat on my still cold fingers, pulling my sweater sleeve over my knuckles I wiped the edge of the mug off. Simultaneously James and I took a sip from the mug and a chocolaty sense filled my mouth and forged a hot path down my throat to settle in a radiating puddle in my stomach. I was warmed instantly.

"Mm, you were right. Scrumptious,"I declared licking the whip cream off my lips.

"Glad you like it," James replied then snorted when I took another drink from my mug. "Evans, you are simply stunning with a mustache." Laughing, I wiped the back of my hand across my upper lip. James had motioned for the waitress to return and he said, "Do it again. We'll stun her with our posh 'stache status." Grinning we both dunked our lips into the whip cream and put on somber looks as the waitress stood at the side of our table.

"May we have a can of whip cream please?" James asked airily adopting a sleek accent. The whip cream was firmly in place on his lip as he said so. The waitress restrained her reaction to all but one raised eyebrow. Then she conjured a can of whip cream and set it on the table politely.

Without laughing I said, "Lovely darling," I drew out the word adopting the same accent as James. Then smugly I told the waitress, "This whip cream is almost as good as mine." With a snobbish laugh I explained, "I have my own cow at home. Bessy is quite the miracle cow."

She walked away with an animated nod. As soon as she was gone James and I burst into chortles. "Bessy?" He asked, and his face was questioning.

"Yeah, pet cows are so in." I reached over in my seat and picked up the can. I popped off the cap and sprayed a generous amount into my mug. Before I could set the can down though, James grabbed it from my hand and slid my mug next to his. He sprayed some cream into his own mug until the cream was level with mine.

_Quoosh.__Quoosh._ Index finger poised on the tip of the can he gave a few challenging squirts. Setting down the can he gave me an innocent smile.

Looking coolly from him to the can I felt the childish impulse to add more into my mug. I was just about to shrug it off and resume drinking the hot chocolate when James chuckled. With nostrils flared I picked up the can and made a larger lopsided mountain of whip cream in my mug twice as big as James's. Pursing my lips defiantly I set the can in the middle of the table.

James didn't reach over immediately. Instead he drew a sip from his cup and his mustache returned. Then he picked up the can, gave it a shake, and in sweeping, dramatic, circular motions he covered his entire mug in a heap of whip cream. From the table up the mug was lost in a tower of white, fluffiness.

I laughed victoriously and took a hearty sip from my mug. I got whip cream on my nose as I did so but I wiped it off unconcerned. "Shame about your cup, mate. This hot chocolate is just _so_ good. Mm…"

Realizing his mistake I saw James's face twist thoughtfully. Then he said, "I wish I could get a mustache like yours, Evans. Very impressive." He bent his body down above his mug and began sucking the whip cream off his cup with slurping sounds.

Confused, I reached up and ran a finger across my lip. There was no whip cream, "What? I haven't got any cream on my lip."

Satisfied, James sat back in his seat swallowed and replied, "I know. I meant your real one."

My jaw dropped then I retorted, "Don't worry; your peach fuzz will grow in one day."

"But it'll never be as thick as your beard," James contrived a wistful whine.

My eyes widened and my hand shot up to my chin, which was of course, not hairy in the least. Acting on impulse I stole the can of whip cream away, leaned across the table my hair hanging like an auburn curtain, and drew a crooked triangular beard on James's chin with it.

"We'll pretend," I told him rubbing the whip cream into his skin. He sat there, in shock I suspect, with a huge smirk on his face. The next moment war had broken loose and we both had our hands wrapped around the can, arms at sharp angles, struggling for possession of the can. It was spurting chains of white all over the table and our sweaters but we didn't mind.

I managed to get James in the face twice and at one point I had removed one hand and squinted to see my whip cream covered finger plunge right into James's ear. He howled and laughed and the can dropped with a thud onto the tabletop. But he retaliated rapidly, and splattered a huge glob of cream right on my head. The bow I'd worn took most of the damage though, I discovered upon later inspection.

I had just pinned James against the side of the booth with my knee and was about to squirt some whip cream on his forehead when the waitress cleared her throat. I jerked off my date and sank into my seat. Cringing with embarrassment and amusement I had to stifle a snort as James asked with utter dignity, sitting up to his ears, literally, in whip cream of the waitress, "Soup's up then?"

Her hands were full of a tray and two bowls of sickly green looking liquid. In a horrified voice she told us, "I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

We exchanged a look then stood up without protest. James paused before stepping past the waitress and wiped at invisible dirt on his shoulder, which was miraculously not smeared with white.

I reached over and told him seriously, "You missed it, dear." Then I swiped at an invisible speck on his other, _clean,_ shoulder. He thanked me most convincingly as the waitress looked on in complete mortification. This was my breaking point and I laughed a large, unladylike, snort.

Sensing the jig was up; James placed a hand on the small of my back and guided me, shaking in hilarity, to the door after collecting our coats. Someone from behind the counter shouted at us to, "Have a nice day!"

Unable to resist, James cupped his hand around his whip cream filled ear and hollered back, "What?!"

I stumbled out the door holding my sides. My feet sank into soft snow that had piled up in the short time we had been occupied. While James was distracted I balled up some snow in my hand and held it behind my back. Finally, he exited the café and gave me a reproachful look, "Can't go back there."

"I've never been asked to leave a place before," I mused as James handed me my jacket. Discreetly, I slid my hand through the arm without giving my snowball away.

James too slipped on his coat, "I have. But not before the main course. That was new."

"So is this!" I said and dropped the snowball down James's shirt. I knew better than to wait and gauge his reaction, instead I pumped my legs and ran away. But, being the fit Quidditch player he was, James was effortlessly hot on my tail in no time.

I put up a good chase with only half arsed attempts at gathering snowballs that consisted of me bending down at opportune moments to fist some snow. I would toss back my lame snowballs without much aim. Mostly though I was breathless and giggling. We were near the Post, my intended safety, passing an open field when James grasped me around the waist and with surprising gentleness set me on the ground.

Giving in, I lay flat on my back heaving breaths in and out. "You've got appalling aim, Evans." James said on his back beside me.

I looked over and my hair was stuck to my cheeks and neck with sweat. James was spotted, no more _smudged_ in white. I couldn't tell the difference between whip cream and snow. "Is that snow?" I asked him pointing with a stiff arm at a glop of white on his jacket sleeve.

James stuck his finger in the glop and then licked it. "No, that's whip cream."

"Peachy," I said still trying to catch my breath.

James's sudden movement distracted me though, beside me I heard the _swish_ of his jacket rubbing on the ground. His arms and legs spread in and out in a movement I recognized.

Smiling I began moving my limbs back and forth making a dent in the snow. "We are angels." I said and twisted my head to look at James. He was smiling too, which made me feel light and floaty inside. His nose was all red from the cold and so were his splotchy cheeks. There was still whip cream in his ear and in his hair was in tangled, plastered, tufts. I could only imagine what I looked like, but for a second I didn't care.

All the rules were out the window, which left us to just _be_. Sure, we were asked to leave a respectable establishment where they served turtle soup, and sure we'd looked like fools playing with whip cream, and sure I was sweaty and all wet and a total mess, but we amused each other. The truth was, I had fun. I had an unforgettable afternoon spent with James being completely natural and ridiculous and sweaty and immature. And there he was, making snow angels with me in the snow, beaming at me, being messy with me and I wouldn't want it any other way.

"Think you can get up without putting footsteps in your snow angel?" I asked James.

"I think so." Then he rolled flat on his back and sat up fluently in his bulky jacket. On his strong legs he lifted himself up and jumped right out of his angel imprint without leaving a blemish.

Still on my back I groaned and like a child I held out both my hands in front of me. James obliged and lifted me up and out of my snow angel flawlessly as well.

Standing, James and I admired our handy work. Our snow angels were awkward; there was a big divot in the middle where I'd landed when James had tackled me. There were creases in the snow where our coats didn't quite shift with our arms. The angels were incomplete too; where our arms had met on the ground there was just a big heap of undefined snow. Because of James's jacket his snow angel was at least twice his size.

"My angel is fat," James commented.

I tossed my head back and laughed loudly. Picking clumps of snow off my jacket James and I hiked our way to the Post. There were four parcels waiting for me in the monstrous building with hundreds of birds. They were small and wrapped in red and green wrapping paper and the sight of them made me giddy. Christmas wasn't until a few days but I already had the urge to tear them open.

I signed my curly signature on the release form for the gifts and accepted them happily despite the clerk's wary look. My hands groped the gifts curiously as I tried to recognize their shapes. None of them seemed familiar though.

"Have a try?" I asked James extending a gift.

He shrugged and began patting the object. After a minute he said, "No idea. The suspense continues."

"Ah, dreadful isn't it?" I said biting my lip and giving a final frisk.

"Christmas is right around the corner. I can only imagine you open one on Christmas Eve being so impatient and all."

I ignored the crack, "Sure do. It's tradition. Do you?"

"No. I've mastered my impatience." James smirked.

"Unfortunately not your arrogance," I bit back and smacked him in the arm.

"If I weren't such a gentleman I'd hit you back."

"Gentleman? Who are you trying to fool?" I taunted and stuck my tongue out. _Very_ mature.

"No thank you, I use toilet paper," He said mildly in reply to my tongue. Immediately I stuck it back in my mouth and scowled.

"I doubt that," I murmured dryly but James was distracted. He had levitated my gifts in the air and was successfully juggling them with his wand. "I bet you can't do that the whole walk back." I dared the boy.

"Can too," He insisted. The wind had picked up and it was bitingly cold. It had been steadily snowing all day long and it was really starting to stack up on the ground. It made my steps heavier. Cold, wet, moisture seeped into my shoes chilling my toes.

Seeing James's determined concentration on keeping my gifts tame and afloat in the gusts of wind I felt bad. "Okay, you were right, you can stop now."

"We aren't all the way back," James told me.

"Yes but you've demonstrated quite enough skill. So, you can stop now. It's really windy we can just carry them."

"Evans, you dared me. The show must go on."

"Yes well, I undare you." I gave him a charming smile but he didn't budge and my gifts still tumbled through the air. "I'll let you stick your hands in my pockets." I offered casually. I knew this would make him concede, the buggered show off.

With both eyebrows raised James levitated my gifts safely into his hands and held them under his arm. With a rather smug smile he closed the distance between our walking bodies. Inviting, I held out my hand and he took it. Then stepping close to him our hands found their way into my pocket.

We walked in comfortable silence. Snow welted my face and with every passing minute it seemed to come down harder. Eventually the only part of Hogwarts visible to us was the hulking peaks of the castle that cut through the blinding sheets of snow like knives. "I just got a snowflake down my shirt," James murmured into my ear and I laughed at his expense. We paused on the snowy path to Hogwarts and I let go of his hand and then unwrapped my scarf from around my neck and twirled it around James. "But you'll get cold," He griped stopping my hand mid-wrap. Then he diplomatically wound the scarf around both our necks. I couldn't help but give a cheesy smile. Since we were essentially bound at the neck, our faces were inches apart and if I tilted my head slightly to the right his face blocked out everything in my line of vision.

_Spell me sideways,_I cursed silently after I caught myself gazing at James for the fifth time. Could I be any moonier? James had behaved himself beautifully today but it didn't mean I had to completely abandon my previous opinion of him. Which wasn't so kind. Yet…I felt so content hanging out with him.

When we finally got safely inside Hogwarts we stamped our feet of snow and shook off our jackets. There was no talk of going up for a shower, which under normal circumstance I would suggest. But this day was nowhere near normal. I didn't want to be away from James for any reason, hygienic or not. Instead I wanted to curl up and get warm beside him, I didn't want to be out of his presence. It was strange how glad I was when he took my hand again and we stomped our way up the stairs. I'd kissed boys before, I'd had boyfriends before, and I'd even held hands before. But there had never been any touch more delicate, or comforting than when James and I had our hands palm to palm.

The common room had a delicious fire going when we arrived. No one objected when we hogged the fire, which I was thankful for. We peeled our jackets off with broad smiles and surveyed the damage. Our sweaters were soiled, our hair was matted, I was damp and a bit sticky and James was rumpled and in a state. But all we could do was laugh, much to the dismay of the other students around us.

"We look like… I don't even know what would constitute this kind of mess," James told me as he kicked off his shoes.

"Café catastrophe," I suggested untying my laces to pop off my own shoes.

"Dessert devastation," James put in as he stripped his sopping socks off his feet and laid them by the fire.

"Turtle termination," I sighed thinking about the soup. I kicked off my shoes finally and crawled over to James who was rolling up the bottoms of his trousers. I was about to say something when James snapped his head up and interrupted me with a look. A look so intense, so meaningful, so smoldering, all I could do was look back. His mouth curled to a slanted smile and I noticed his delicately chapped lips. All normal thoughts fled my mind and I could only was marvel at James and his face and the way the firelight made his hazel eyes glow.

A moment later his eyes flicked down. I followed his gaze and saw a dainty striped sock on my own foot and I fought to keep a blush down. Self-consciously, I took the sock off and laid it down in front of the fire. My other sock was plain and white and it looked almost comical next to it's mate.

I stretched my toes out and wiped moisture from my forehead with my scarf. "Can I borrow that?" James asked pointing at my scarf. I handed it to him. He used it to clean out his ear and I made a grossed out face. "There you are love, a bit of revenge for that wet willy."

"Which you wholly deserved, Potter." I rolled my eyes and set my scarf down off to the side of me so as not to touch it.

James grinned at me but I was occupied removing my soiled bow from my hair. Once I was settled with my pant legs and sweater sleeves rolled up and my hair forced back in an untidy ponytail James scooted to sit closer to me. He pushed his arm through the crook of mine and we sat quietly.

Keeping my eyes trained on the fire I told James, "I like my socks." It seemed like a simple sentence expressing my feelings about my undergarments. But James and I both knew it was more than that. It was an official declaration that I liked James.

"Hey, this isn't a laundry mat folks!" A student interrupted with a purposeful glare in the direction of our dirty socks. Preventing James from doing something brash I stood up and grasped up my socks.

"You're right- we're done here," I told the uptight third year who had an impeccably neat wardrobe on.

James stood up, hulking, beside me. "We are?"

"Yes, I think it's time for a shower." I gave a sniff and grimaced. "We are a little ripe."

"A little?!" The third year exclaimed indignantly. I ignored this and gathered up my discarded clothing.

Turning to James, "Meet you back here in an hour. I know bathing is a new concept to you but do your best to come back smelling good."

"Hey, you don't smell so nice yourself."

"Exactly. Showers are definitely in order."

"Fine. An hour."

James and I parted ways. I felt a little down walking up the staircase alone. To keep the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach away I reminded myself I'd see him again in an hour. It just didn't seem soon enough. Who would have thought that I'd be counting the minutes until I saw James Potter again?


	5. Scars of a painted heart

**Please R&R! 3  
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**5.**

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Despite the absence of my rubber duck, whose purpose is solely to keep me company and provide as a microphone if I'm feeling inspired to sing- showers at Hogwarts are lovely. Everyday there is an abundance of, soft and fluffy towels, a wide array of exotic soap bars and shower gels, an intimidating wall where the girls store lotions and perfume, and there is even a fresh loofa hanging around a large showerhead.

By the sound of it you would think it couldn't get any lovelier showering at Hogwarts. But you'd be wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong, and some more wrong. I am living proof of your wrongliness.

It's one thing to soap yourself up in a clean, pristine, tiled shower with a passion fruit scented bar. It's another thing completely to know a handsome young man, who is crazy about you, is also in a shower soaping himself up at the exact same moment and will be waiting for you to get out of the shower so that he may sweep you off your feet with his charms and dimples.

Okay, so maybe I'm a tad bit perverted. As I massaged a tropical smelling shampoo into my hair I thought about James being in the shower on the other side of the building probably soaping up that luscious head of hair at the same moment that I was. I was absolutely certain that as he lathered himself his thoughts were on me. This made my shower much lovelier than expected. It was as if I could feel him beside me in the shower, smell his masculine soap, and see his grinning face with bubbles on it.

After my shower I impatiently braided my dripping hair out of my face and off my shoulders as to prevent water spots. I hurried into my empty dorm room and climbed into some clothes. It didn't take nearly as much thought as it had earlier that morning to dress myself. I merely grabbed the first clean thing off a hanger and put it on.

It was dreadfully quiet in my dorm without the constantly chattering girls I usually shared it with. I found myself humming, loudly, and out of tune, to chase away the silence. Eventually after wrestling my socks on and obsessively smoothing out the creases in my pants I thought I was presentable to go down stairs. Unfortunately, I still had at least half an hour until I was to meet James.

_Burn my broomstick_, I cursed glancing around the quiet room for some form of entertainment. I decided to perfect my hair and makeup in the extra time. After halfheartedly brushing on some blush and mascara I was bored with my own face. So I moved on to my hair. Luckily it wasn't dry yet so my braid hadn't turned it into a curly mess. Quickly undoing the weaves I used my fingers to brush my hair out. Staring into a small mirror on my bedside table I contemplated what to do.

I settled for fastening the top half of my hair in the back with a barrette and kept the bottom half down. Already finished I found I'd only wasted five minutes. With an exaggerated sigh I drummed my fingers on my bed. Then my impatience got the better of me and I raced down the steps to the common room. I hadn't even reached the bottom of the staircase before my eyes were scanning the room beneath me. James hadn't come down yet.

My steps slowed and I asked myself, _Have I gone mad?_ Where had my sanity gone? Coming to my senses I decided to have a sit and occupy myself with something unrelated to James completely, instead of running around like a fool. The only thing that I could do was practice some spells. I sat down on the bottom step of the staircase and began waiving my wand around and muttering spells.

In the time I'd waited I had levitated several pillows from the couch in the common room back and forth, I'd repaired the splintered leg of the nearest table, I'd started to clean the windows when James appeared above me.

"Didn't mean to make you wait," He said and sat down next to me. "I wanted to smell super duper."

I smiled, "I could hear you coming down the stairs. You're literally squeaky clean." James laughed at this. "Well, the wait was well worth it. You smell nice." I leaned against him and inhaled. It was true he smelled great. The soap he used was vanilla I knew for sure, but it couldn't cover his natural musky scent, which reminded me of the way rain spotted sidewalks smelled.

"You smell like peaches," James told me.

I blushed, "Peachy keen."

James's voice dropped into a low murmur, "Peaches are my favorite fruit." My blush intensified and James laughed. Annoyed that he had gotten a rise out of me I stood up and away from his intoxicating presence.

"Come on, I didn't have lunch, as you are well aware, and I'm about ready to faint from starvation."

The Great Hall wasn't very empty for it being holiday. It seemed James and I were late for supper and we had to go to the end of the hall to find open seats. When we had full plates of food we sat next to each other and I wasted little time before digging in. I was pleased to find my silverware clean after my usual examination and so I easily ate a spoonful of mashed potatoes letting my lips linger on the spoon.

"I love mashed potatoes," I told James already preparing another spoonful.

"Me too, it's the lazy man's food."

"How do you mean?" I asked.

"You don't have to chew."

I ate another spoonful and found myself chewing the mushy potatoes. Then I forced myself to swallow. It was difficult to get down because it was thick and full. "I beg to differ. I chew my mashed potatoes."

"That's excessive." James said simply and I showed him my tongue, which was covered with potatoes.

"You're face is excessive," I said lamely eyeing James. He laughed.

"Your come backs astound me."

"I keep _trying_ to tell you. I'm a genius. Everything that comes out of my mouth is astounding."

"Not those mashed potatoes," James countered and took a sip of his pumpkin juice.

"That's what you think. I wouldn't expect a simpleton like you to understand the complexities of mashed potatoes." I said airily and added a dash of pepper to my plate.

"Says the girl who chews them," James grumbled and I frowned.

I pursed my lips and looked around the table. Only three other students beside James and I were eating mashed potatoes. After I took a bite of steak I told James, "There's a girl about to take a bite at your eleven o'clock. Watch her and tell me if she chews."

"You're mad," James told me but I saw him watching the girl. "She chewed." He reported dryly.

"See, I'm not the only one. She must of course be in the secret mashed potato society. Commonly known as the MPS."

"Most probable sadists, you mean?" James asked with a wicked grin on his face.

"No, that's the _T _MPS." I replied mildly.

"Oh, forgive my mistake," James begged playing along.

"Of course dear." I patted his arm and returned to eating but he just chuckled at my, or rather, our antics.

I had second helpings to satiate my appetite and the amount of food made me sleepy. Yawning I said, "We ought to do rounds before I fall asleep."

"Right-o. Let's go then," James stood from the wooden bench.

Rounds were mostly uneventful except for when we encountered a group of nasty Slytherin boys mummifying a poor Ravenclaw fourth year in humiliatingly bright Christmas wrapping paper.

They ran off to their common room before we could catch up and punish them. The Ravenclaw boy seemed unperturbed though, he simply said, "I can use the paper to wrap me mum's gift." Then he scampered off with the paper tucked under his arm.

"Oh, I almost forgot!" I exclaimed suddenly. "I have to write some letters." I finished mildly and the concern on James's face melted away. Satisfied by rounds James and I walked our merry way back to the common room. Or at least it would have been merry if the coward had taken my hand. Which he hadn't. The buffoon.

Anyways we made ourselves quite comfortable at a table in the common room with a bottle of ink and some parchment. "Whom are you writing to?" James asked me as I dunked my quill in ink.

"Tuney and company. Despite her frosty attitude some bloke's decided to marry her so Congratulations are in order," I told James as I scrawled out Petunia's name on my parchment.

"Or sympathies," James said.

"I've decided to be the bigger woman and treat her humanely." I explained writing a sweet note to Petunia it went as follows:

_Dear Petunia,_

_I am delighted to hear about your engagement. Vernon is a fine man._ –I couldn't help but snort as I wrote this.- _I hope you find the perfect dress and if you need to borrow anything please let me know. _

_Lovingly yours,_

_Lily_

"There," I set down the quill and blew on the parchment to dry the ink faster.

"A whole paragraph Evans? I'm sure it's lovely," James said idly writing some nonsense on his own parchment.

In the spirit of letters and letter writing my beautiful owl, Hild, tapped a rather musical number on the window of the common room. Gasping, I ran over to the window and opened it to let in my owl. She had a letter for me and I quickly untied it from her extended foot.

"I haven't any treats Hild, try the Owelery yes?" As if she understood me, Hild stretched out her wings and nipped her beak in the air. I ticked her head and cooed, "Such a pretty bird. Gorgeous aren't you? Yes you are. The most beautiful bird ever. Remarkably handsome." After a couple of encouraging compliments Hild flew out the window and up a few stories where I was sure she would find a treat.

Sitting back down across from James I ripped up the letter and was pleased to find the first from a depressed Grace.

Grace wrote:

_My dearest friend Lily,_

_Already upon my arrival my wretched Aunt has pinched my cheeks raw and I'm afraid I'll never smile again. How is it possible to smell that old? She's only eighty! But she smells at least two hundred years older. Do you have any idea what kind of stench that is? It's a mix between rotten cabbage and dusty books. Like a vegetable library from hell. I'm in a dreadful state! It's only been a day and I think I'm losing my grip._

I scoffed, Grace had lost her grip _ages_ ago.

Remus hasn't stopped in to see me yet. He says he can't come until Wednesday, something about a full moon. But I don't know how I will cope that long. Alas I get to my point. I need you Lily dear. To write me and remind me of the sanity still prevailing in Hogwarts so that I will return to you semi-sane. Do not fail me now!

_Anyways, enough brooding. I heard a hilarious rumor you're engaged to a man named Edgar who lives in Sweden! What bollocks. You don't know anyone in Sweden. What exactly is going on? _

_Write me soon. I mean really, really, really soon._

_Despairingly yours, _

_Grace _

I finished reading Grace's letter and James asked of me, "How's Grace?" He had been busying himself with his parchment and I caught sight of the header. It read: "Maruaders's Mission #56". He was obviously planning a prank, I hoped I wasn't the target.

"Desperate. Apparently old people smell like vegetable libraries," I replied already writing in reply to Grace.

"Mm, fascinating," James said and continued to write feverishly.

_Dear Grace,_

_Hogwarts is the same as ever. All castle-like and boring. Nothing at all is out of the ordinary here. How do you know I don't know anyone is Sweden? Cause I do. And the only person engaged is Petunia. To that awful muggle I told you about. Anyways, stay sane. If you like I can send you some potion to run under your nose to keep your Aunt's stench away. I'm tired and I can't write much more._

_Sleepily yours,_

_Lily_

I folded the letter and tucked it in an envelope and set it next to Petunia's. With a dramatic yawn I collapsed onto the table and buried my head in my hands. I closed my eyes for only a moment and felt sleep try to sweep me away.

"You'll get a crick," James chided me softly.

Still resting on the table I peeked up at him through a veil of red hair. He had tucked his paper away in his back pocket and was gazing down at me. Grumpily I said, "I already have a crick. Its name is James Potter." I was internally at odds again. I had to choose between precious sleep and Potter. I felt that same dread well up in my tummy at the thought of being away from James. The crossroad of wants made me grouchy.

"I'm the best crick you've ever had," James mocked and reached out and pushed aside the hair in my eyes with a gentle finger as I giggled at his remark.

"Potter," I said but wasn't even sure what I wanted to tell him. Overwhelmed I thought about how to tell him everything I was feeling without sounding weird or awkward.

"I know," he said and relief flooded through me. I wanted him to tell me what we should do so that I didn't stand up, walk up those trick stairs, and sleep in an empty dorm, all by myself when it wasn't even that late and I wanted so badly to do something with James.

But he didn't. Instead I ended doing just what I didn't want to. I stood up and walked away letters loosely in my grip. I was just about to take a miserable step onto the first stair when James grabbed my hand and pulled me away.

I spun and ended up being face to face with him. Deliriously happy that I didn't have to walk up The Stairs of Doom I hid a smile.

"Our day is at an end," James said roaming his fingertips along my hand.

"I don't want it to be," I whispered. We were standing so close; our proximity was smothering my senses away- they begged me to touch James. I was too scared. Instead I fidgeted with the letters in my free hand.

"I'll see you bright and early first thing in the morning, Sunshine." James whispered back and I hid my inner torment at the thought of _hours_ going by.

Pulling it together I gave him a smile and said amiably, "Crack of dawn or I'll show you what a real crick feels like." James laughed and let go of my hand. I went up the stairs aware of his gaze watching me climb.

I was uncomfortable alone in my dorm. I couldn't decide if having my roommate's bed curtains open was better than closed. So I did laps around the room slinging them open and closed trying to get a feel of something normal. In the end I left them open and crawled into bed. Sleep was the fastest way to make morning come so I put my head on my pillow without a fuss and fell asleep almost immediately.

I thought I dreamed the scattered, beaded sound of my window being tapped. It was deep night when I forced my eyes open, though you wouldn't know that because of the way the snow lit up the moonbeams. I sat up in my bed anxious that Hild was waiting for me to let her in. Pushing my covers off in a pile I tiptoed, though the room was empty, to my window. Hild was not there and I couldn't figure out where the sound was coming from. Then I saw a flash of movement on the ground.

I unlocked the window and leaned out of it disturbing the dust that had settled on my sill and gave a gasp. A neat, symmetrical, heart had been etched in the snow on the ground beneath my window. It was in a magenta hue and the shoulders of the heart stretched on and on.

I giggled, sort of manically. I'd never guessed _James Potter _had such a thoughtful side to him. I'd certainly never guessed I'd be so smitten with it- with _him_. But I was. In a sleepy lull I dragged myself from the window and got in bed.

------

**Beeeeeeep. Beeeeeeep. Beeeeeeep. **Each beep was like a bludgeon to my poor brain. I woke up before dawn because of my stupid alarm clock.

_Crash! _It fell to the floor when my hand swooped out and knocked it over. Groaning and grumbling I kicked off my sheets and practically fell out of bed onto the floor in search of the still beeping clock. I felt it underneath my bed and laid down flat on my stomach to reach the damn thing. Finally with it firmly in my hand I used nimble fingers to press the button and end that constant beeping.

In my sleepy daze I couldn't remember what was so important I had to be up so early for. Even on school days I didn't get up at this time, I didn't even wake up this early the day Petunia moved out. Which I should have because I could have been there to throw her trunk in the back of the car before two months later she moved back in…with a vengeance.

Anyways, I was slowly making my way on wobbly legs to the bathroom when I remembered why. I felt all fuzzy at the image of James embracing me in a hug the moment I was down stairs. With a goofy smile I was glad no one could see I got ready for the day.

I made it down stairs and the sun had _still _not risen, but I didn't care. Because there he was, sitting lazily in an arm chair waiting for me. James stood the moment he saw me and said one word, "Coffee." I nodded enthusiastically and allowed him to lead me by the hand out the common room and to the Great Hall.

"So, you're not much of a morning person are you Evans?" James asked me once we had sat and I was gulping my coffee down. I glared at him in reply. "I could tell because you were just so quiet this morning."

I turned my body and sat cross-legged on the bench we were sitting on. James looked tired and like he'd just rolled out of bed. Which like myself, he probably had. But he looked even more tired than me and I wanted to kiss away all his sleepy frowns.

"You're frowning. You never frown. It's one of the things that infuriates me, you never stop grinning." I rambled with an arched eyebrow.

"I didn't sleep well," James admitted to me and he rubbed the stubble on his chin, which was dark blond.

I gave a tame scoff, "I can imagine. What with painting hearts in the snow and all."

James blushed. He actually blushed. Oh Merlin it was adorable! I bit my lip to keep a giggle in and looked away to let James compose himself. But he didn't seem to be bothered and asked me, "Did you like it?"

I put my chin on his shoulder and gave an intimate, breathy, whisper, "I did." James turned his head and gazed right into my eyes. I swear I felt like someone had jinxed my legs into jelly! I thanked my lucky stars that we were sitting otherwise I my knees would probably have buckled.

"I'm glad you saw it before it got covered."

My eyebrows knitted together in a confused fashion, "Covered? By what?"

James laughed, it was wheezy and I assumed the early morning hours were what had caused it. "How did you miss the snow, Evans? Hogwarts is up to her ears in snow! We're snowed in."

"You're joking! There was barely a foot of snow last night!" James pulled me up off the bench and dragged me to a pair of doors leading to the grounds. He opened the door and snow collapsed inside. Beyond that slight disturbance I saw snow packed as high as I was tall. It was later in the morning, past sunrise but it hadn't brightened a bit! The sky was dark and gray. "Holy frogspawn!" I exclaimed. Then I faced James with a huge smile on my face, "We can build a fort!"

"Breakfast first."

The Great Hall was beginning to magically fill with steaming hot pancakes and breakfast galore when James and I had finished our second cup of coffee. This meant students were waking up and coming down. In between bites of waffles and French toast I couldn't keep my hands to myself.

"You've got really soft hands," James murmured when I had set down my fork and reached out to feel him again. We had been exploring each other's hands and arms during breakfast with our heads bent down engrossed in feeling another.

James stroked my hands. Flicking my hair behind my shoulder with a toss of my head I took one of James's hands and said quietly, "I love the way fingertips feel. They seem so insignificant until you glide them along your skin." Then I did just that; using only the tips of my fingers I traced patterns on James's exposed palm. I giggled when I saw goose bumps rise on James's arm.

"Let me try," He said and then proceeded to glide his fingers on my forearms. I bit my lip and smiled, savoring the way it felt. I noticed a puckered spot of skin towards James's left elbow where I ran a finger across it. It was long and jagged, translucent and yet white at the same time.

"What's that from?" I inquired.

"When I was seven I fell off my broom and landed in a rose bush." I chuckled. "It left a nasty scar."

"It's not nasty," I chided him and ran my finger across the scar again. "It's neat, a little bit of physical memory forever on your arm." James smiled and looked at me with tender eyes. "One day when you're old and wrinkly and you can't remember things so well, you'll notice this scar and just like that-" I snapped my fingers in the air for dramatic effect, "You will remember precisely, falling off your broomstick.

"It's like this one scar that I have," I said and fumbled to pull my pant leg up past my knee. I revealed a large red, smooth indented scar on my knee.

"Whoa, wicked. How'd you manage that one?" James asked gingerly touching the patch of skin.

"Swim lesson gone all wrong. I slipped off the diving board scraped a gash in my knee and landed in the water. It was bloodier than it was serious though. Every time I look at it, I'm back in that pool yard like it was yesterday. "

"You took swim lessons?" James asked as I rolled my pant leg back down.

"Yeah, you aren't born with my kind of grace," I replied sardonically.

"So modest," James commented and I grinned. "But you're right scars are evidence that a person has lived."

"Exactly," I nodded.

"Do you have a birth mark too?"

"Nope."

"Then I guess there's no evidence that you were born." James joked.

"Be quiet Potter, before I give you a scar you might not survive," I threatened halfheartedly.

I looked up from our private little exchange and noticed the Great Hall had filled up with more students. Most eyes were on us and I had a very bad feeling that news of James's and I sharing breakfast would travel faster than my engagement to "Edgar".


	6. For the love of fishing

**AN: Wrote this up late last night. I edited it briefly so I apologize for mistakes. Also very sorry it has taken me so long to update. I hope you like it! Please review even if you hate it. ;3  
**

**6.**

--

Our plates were long empty but James and I remained in the Great Hall. With a tin box in his hand James approached anybody and everybody around him with sausage on their plate and asked, "Are you going to eat that?"

I wasn't sure why he wanted the sausage. I personally had already downed three cups of coffee, two slices of french toast and even waffles. I was stuffed like a bird on Thanksgiving. James too had helped himself to a fair amount of coffee and muffins. First dibs had gifted him with a cheesecake muffin that was soft and it steamed when James broke it apart. Yet there he was on a campaign for sausage as I sat and watched.

In my watching I took the time to appreciate a number of different things about James Potter. First was the way he interacted with others. Everyone he spoke to received him kindly and with a smidgeon of respect. James had a quality about him that made a person feel at ease. It seemed the entire Gryffindor house was charmed out of their pants.

Now on to the more interesting things I noticed, like the way his eyes angled upward when he smiled. The way his mouth, no matter what it was doing had suddenly become sensual. From the crooked smiles to the casual purse, the pout and curls of those lips fascinated me. I even took notice of his walk, which was a confident saunter, and his physique that was tall and gangly.

When he finally walked back to me I was sort of in a daze and I couldn't discern why he was shaking the tin box at me. "Did you hear me Evans?"

"Huh?" I snapped out of my reverie of beautiful James Potter to see him watching me behind his glasses. I gave a big, wide, and unladylike yawn.

James shook his head, "Early is a dangerous time for you. Come on Sunshine, we've got us some stuff to do." James took my hand and I followed him without protest to the common room.

When we arrived James led me to the staircases and started climbing to the boys dormitory. "It would seem early has a profound effect on your brain as well, Potter." I said and halted my climbing. James turned to look at me with a cocked eyebrow. "I'm not a boy, thus I do not belong on these stairs."

James put on his best surprised face and gasped. Grinning, he jibed, "You're not a boy?" I narrowed my eyes. "Very well. Scamper off to your girly room and meet me at the sofa in five minutes. Bring your warmest clothing." Then James marched to his dorm tin box tucked under his arm.

I bristled slightly at being bossed around but then obliged to James's directions and went to my room to gather my warmest winter clothing. It included my wool coat, my Gryffindor scarf, my Gryffindor hat with two fuzzy balls hanging off the end, and a pair of red mittens. Returning downstairs I found James on the sofa in a wool pea coat and a hat with long sides to cover his ears. His hat had two balls as well but mine were fluffier.

I proudly announced this fact, "My balls are fluffier than yours."

James looked around at me and stood up. He said, "I thought we had just established that you were not a boy. Pick a gender Evans for Merlin's sake." He chuckled when I punched his arm. It was after this punch that I noticed he still held the tin can along with a spool of wire and two large and badly bent sticks. At my inquiring look James explained, "We are going fishing."

I guffawed. "Potter if you want frozen fish you can make a trip to the kitchens."

James ignored my joke and looped his arm through mine and led me to the grounds. He had to pry a pair of doors open because they were frozen shut. As soon as the doors groaned open a wall of snow collapsed at James's feet. The snow beyond the doors was up to our waists!

"Bloody hell!" I said, my jaw dropping open. "That is a lot of snow!"

James nodded and clapped his hands free of ice from the doors. "The storm isn't even over yet. It's supposed to start snowing again tonight."

"How are we going to walk in it?" I asked surveying the height of the snow suspiciously.

James motioned me over and he extracted his wand from his pocket. A couple of elaborate waves later I felt a strange sensation overcome me as if I had walked into a chamber void of oxygen and noise. I felt my ears pop and then my body was alive with tingles the same kind as when my hand fell asleep.

"What did you do?"

"A spell to keep you dry. It will deflect the snow except for any snowflakes falling. But it's not snowing right now so I think we are good." Then James performed the spell on himself. After a moment he shook his head and bent over to pick up our fishing gear.

Hesitantly I waded out past the doors and the snow came just barely to my hips. However I didn't feel a thing, not even when I dipped my hand in a mound of snow. There was no chill or moisture. It was strange like washing your hands and not feeling the water. James and I didn't even make crunching noises as we puttered our way to the lake.

The normal landscape of Hogwarts was completely unfamiliar to me. I couldn't tell buildings apart with the mass of snow on top. They just became hulking, white, and shapeless mountains. It was ghostly white outside and undisturbed. Soon enough the kids remaining at school on holiday would be flinging snow left and right and leaving their footsteps to ice over. But for now it was quiet and shimmering.

We reached the dock on the lakeside fairly quickly. Massive icicles hung from the bottom of the dock. After James and I had cleared a spot to sit on the edge of the dock with our feet did it occur to me that the lake was frozen. Probably solid. There was no way we'd be able to fish. James was sitting with his legs dangling off the dock, I assumed he would do something magical so we could fish and I sat down next to him.

Threading a sausage link through a piece of wire and knotting the wire securely, James handed me a stick and grinned. "This is something my family does every Christmas."

"Fish?" I asked a little perplexed.

James nodded. "But not for any ordinary fish. Do you remember the candy cane garden I told you about?" I nodded my head looking back and forth from my swinging sausage at the end of my stick to James's face.

"I'm about to share with you one of the best kept secrets there is about planting a candy cane garden." James looked at me and smiled warmly, he was adorable in his little hat with its earflaps. The cold had just barely made a kiss of pink of his cheeks. I smiled back feeling a choking sense of fondness that gripped my heart. "I mean it's only fair. You made me socks after all."

James used his free hand to lift up his pant leg and reveal one of my finely knitted socks bunched up at his ankle. I laughed, "Fair is fair. Now, tell me everything."

"Well, the first thing we do is make a hole in the ice." James unbuttoned his jacket pocket and took out his wand. He said a spell and made a wobbly circular motion in the air with his wand. Then with a jerk a three-inch thick panel of ice cracked into smaller individual pieces of ice. The water beneath was still looking.

Assuming a very professorish voice James instructed me to, "Unwind a generous amount of wire and then lower it into the water."

I did as was told. "Why do we use sausage?"

"The particular fish we are about to catch is known to only be able to smell sausage underwater." I raised my eyebrows in an impressed fashion and James's laughed. "It's crazy I know." I held my stick firmly with my hands resting on my legs.

"What kind of fish is it?"

James looked at me after I asked this question and smiled a secretive smile. "You'll see Sunshine," He said quietly and his answer made me excited. "Just keep your eyes on the water and you will see."

I leaned forward a bit to see clearly over my own knees and at the exposed patches of water. I sat like that, expectantly, for a couple of minutes silently anticipating the sight of a fish.

"I wonder if the giant squid hibernates the time of year," he remarked quietly and it sent me into a bout of giggles.

A witty reply was on the tip of my tongue when suddenly a flash of movement caught my attention. I swallowed my response and leaned more over the edge of the dock for a better look. My eyes were opened wide with exhilaration.

Then I saw something again but at first I was sure it was my imagination because that something had a distinct and impossible glow. Between the spaces of broken ice I saw a pallid green light glimmering beneath the surface.

A gasp caught in my throat and my mouth formed a surprised O shape as another oblong shaped light flickered around. It was a faint opal green color, like a glow in the dark toy, and wound in hypnotizing swirls. I watched in wonder. I'd never seen a glow in the dark fish.

James voice was soft when he spoke, "The light you see is mint essence. Anyone can coax a candy cane from the ground with a seed. But only the best candy canes grow when a Mintzar is buried beside it."

"Is that what these are called?"

"Yes. Mintzar. There is an abundance of them in all the Northern seas."

"I've never heard of them before."

"That's because they are invisible to the muggle eye. The mint in them is magical while they are alive keeping them shielded from muggle discovery. Once they die they take the appearance of the nearest fish and the mint evaporates. The only thing that can absorb the mint is soil and that is why you bury them."

"That's amazing," I breathed in awe still following the jade hued fish in the water with my eyes.

"Yeah, just don't bury them anywhere near a vegetable garden. Mint flavored carrots sound good in theory, not in practice." James stuck his tongue out and grimaced. I laughed and rubbed my stomach as if mint carrots sounded appetizing.

There was a tug on my stick and my eyes nearly fell out of my head with surprise. "Oh!" I said pulling on my stick but the end didn't feel heavy at all.

James grinned and told me to, "Wrap the wire around the end of your stick. Mintzars don't weigh an ounce so it should be a relatively easy catch." I began to twirl my wire around my stick feeling a tug or two every so often. Then the glow emerged from the water like a muted star and I held back a squeal of delight.

"Wow! Look James! I caught one! Wow look at it! I've never seen _anything_ like that!" I exclaimed pulling on my wire and laying the flopping fish on the dock. The light was extinguishing rapidly and eventually all that remained was a dull shine.

The skin of the Mintzar was a thin, clear membrane. I was afraid if I even poked it a tiny bit it would tear. James and I sat with the fish between us and examined it. Its eyes were clouded like it was blind but it couldn't have been. It's mouth wasn't wide like most fishes but instead a small slit with one sharp tooth. It hardly seemed practical but James explained Mintzars weren't natural predators. The mint inside the fish's body was thick like blood. It was thinner than pudding but thicker than gravy and it was indeed was exhibited the faint flow.

James set the fish on a mound of snow and packed snow tightly around it. "We don't need no stinking ice chest." He joked and I gave him my best radiant smile.

It must have been pretty radiant because James just looked at me for a long time using his hand to sweep back a lock of hair into my hat. I felt full of happiness.

We fished for a long time it felt like but the cold didn't seep through my pants or through my jacket. My cheeks did feel slightly chapped but I was too content to care. After we had caught two fish each James and I lounged against each other. My head fit perfectly on his shoulder and his head sat comfortably on mine. Our sausages were in the water below and I held loosely onto my makeshift fishing rod.

Somehow along the way James and I had started playing twenty questions. He had said, "We have to play Evans. It's the ultimate fishing game. It would be a crime not to play!" And so of course I had agreed. I wasn't a criminal afterall.

So far we'd exchanged middle names, favorite colors, favorite foods, favorite holidays. James told me he could play the guitar and I'd told him I'd never picked up a musical instrument in my life after the recorder in second grade. He now knew I liked rainy days and I now knew he wanted to learn how to surf. I'd learned that James was a boxer man instead of a brief. He had learned that I preferred apples to oranges and then the questions got interesting. As a joke James had tied our hats together by the string of the balls so that neither of us could get away from a question. I was deliriously close to him and when I shifted my sitting position I felt a hint of his stubble rub my cheek.

It was James's turn to ask and he hesitated before saying, "What was the best day of your life?" Leaning against James I looked up at the sky to think. The sky hadn't broken its solid dingy gray wall since we'd been fishing. It wasn't snowing but the sky looked restless enough to explode at any minute.

I closed my eyes and let all my happy memories play on the back of my eyelids. I saw birthday parties, opening my Hogwarts letter, seeing the Hogwarts express after long summers. I saw Petunia's empty room, I saw perfect scores on papers, and I saw inane nights with Grace and rolling around with laughter. But somehow when I spoke the lazy words that followed my walk down memory lane, I knew they were true. I was possessed by something more powerful than I'd ever felt before. It was fondness and it was need. It was love or something like that.

"It was today," I murmured opening my eyes again to the churning sky. James was silent and awkwardness overcame me.

Then he said, in a sultry voice that made me gooey on the inside, "Me too."

Sometimes people talk about being so happy they could cry but I tell you with utter honesty that phrase never made sense until that moment. I was so happy I could have cried. Those words were loaded. It was like my feelings so raw and over whelming were mutual and my divination skills told me this was what being alive felt like. It was a subtle thrill sitting next to James, smelling him, feeling him, hearing him, a thrill that could never be matched. I could jump off the highest mountain and never feel this alive. I could score perfect O's on every test I ever took and never feel this complete. I could try anything and never replicate the way I felt all breathless and smiley.

I sat up straight and looked at James tears prickling my eyes slightly. Sitting up made my hat fall from my head and my hair went wild with freedom adhering to my face. The vibrant red color was a slash in our white surroundings and James took a strand and teased it between his fingers. James's hat was lopsided from the weight of my abandoned one.

"My turn." I said my voice sounded croaky so I cleared my throat. "Do you want to kiss me?"

James smiled a deliciously devious grin and wiggled his eyebrows in mock seduction. Strangely it didn't kill the mood.

"Aw, Evans. Do you have to ask?"

I laughed again I couldn't help myself, "We are playing twenty questions."

James nodded agreeably and said, "Okay fair enough. Yes, I want to kiss you. I think I might die if I don't kiss you."

I smiled and put my face up close to James's. "Well, what are you waiting for? Do you have a death wish or something?" I whispered staring him in his hazel eyes.

James was lusciously close and I could feel the heat of his breaths on my face. I was distracted by that feeling when he asked, "That depends on if you would resuscitate me or not."

I narrowed my eyes and said, "James Potter if you don't kiss me in the next five seconds I'll hex you to the moon and back."

And then he kissed me.

You may or may not remember a moony passage from earlier where I went on and on about my fascination for James's lips. Well, kissing those lips held an entirely new obsession. We didn't even make it to the second lap around the Quidditch pitch but I felt an undomesticated need grip my senses.

James was by far the most skilled kisser I'd ever encountered, not that I encountered a lot. It could have been a deep satisfaction at finally kissing him, or not, but the way we kissed made the best day of my life better.

There was the barest hint of moisture as James skimmed his full bottom lip against my own. Slowly our mouths teased together arbitrarily applying pressure here and there our heads moving luxuriously slow. His breath mingled with mine. Head lulled back I let James take my lip between his own and gently squeeze. That movement was a gratifying stress on my mouth that made my breath shallow. My eyes had fluttered shut and all the feeling in my body mobbed up to my lips for a warm sensation. I grazed my teeth across James's mouth and he smiled. I could feel it. Then he pulled away and ended our kiss. I reluctantly opened my eyes and tried not to look too swept away. I gazed at him with an inclined eyebrow.

"My turn," James said. His voice was husky and my body reacted to that tone without my consent sending a warm honeyed sensation to the pit of my stomach. For a second I did remember we were playing twenty questions. "Do you want to kiss me?" He was smiling a silent laugh and I scoffed.

"Certain death if I don't," I said before placing my lips back on his. James shifted his body to face me better and he carelessly threw his makeshift fishing rod over the edge of the dock. It landed on the ice with a clatter. Instantly his hands were in my hair. I followed suit and threw my stick overboard but my mittens were scratchy against my hands and I could only imagine how unpleasant they would feel if I had the need to touch James. Which I did. So, breaking our kiss I ripped my mittens off and threw them behind James's head.

I reached up to tenderly cup his face in my hands. His face was cold but I was too absorbed in feeling him to notice. With gentle fingers I traced the minor cleft in his chin and all the way up his jaw line. In my head all I could comprehend was how right it was.

James took my hands from his face and held them delicately. "As much as I'd love to sit here and ravage you, we actually have to go bury our fish." He smiled an eye crinkly smile and I nodded. Standing up I pulled out my wand and levitated the pile of fish we had dumped in the snow. It took most of my concentration not to drop the fish as I walked through the path we cleared toward the school. I didn't know where we were going. James walked straight for the castle and walked right in.

Maneuvering the floating fish in through the door I followed him. "Wingardium Leviosa." James waved his wand and took control of the fish. They dripped little splotches on the floor as we hiked the stairs. "Bit of a walk," James commented and I was glad he had taken the fish.

After a journey up the stairs we finally arrived in the Astronomy Tower. Even with Professor Delphi on vacation the halls smelled of charcoaled roses a stench that may never go away. We ended up climbing out a window onto a snow filled balcony.

James had already been up here I realized as my eyes rested on pots full of dark wet soil half buried under the snow. The pots were a festive green and at least three feet in circumference. I grinned, "A garden?"

"You bet." James walked over to the post and brushed away the snow. Using his fingers he mussed up the dirt. Extracting the tin can from his pocket James tossed the sausages over the edge of the balcony and lifted out a piece of folded parchment paper. Shaking the parchment James held his hand out flat where several little striped bean looking items fell.

They were candy cane seeds. But who knew candy canes grew from seeds? I didn't. I didn't even know candy canes grew. James beckoned me over to him, he was crouching down beside a pot. I crouched beside him and watched as he dug a hole the size of his fist and dropped two beans then covered them with rich looking soil.

Next he jumped up and went to the pile of fishes he had set down in the snow. Carefully with his wand he levitated one to the pot and laid it down in a hole I had dug that was deep and nearly to the bottom of the pot.

After burying the fish James packed snow on top of the soil until he reached the lip of the pot. Busy and silent we filled the rest of the pots until using up all our fish. I stood up and stepped back to survey our work. The green pots spotted the snow like nature freckles.

James stood next to me and took my hand. "Once the soil absorbs the mint it will react with the snow it will melt and the seeds with break open. As long as it snows today and tonight the seeds should start to mature into canes just in time for Christmas tomorrow. If it doesn't snow today or tonight we'll have to come back every day and fill the pot with snow."

"Let's hope it snows then," I said optimism staining my voice. As we exited the balcony I sighed and said, "I forgot it was Christmas Eve." I was having a lovely time with James but duty called and I needed to write Christmas letters. Grace would probably never forgive me if I didn't send her something. On top of that I'd volunteered to decorate the common room tonight for the first and second years stuck at school.

"I guess we woke up early on the wrong day," James joked.

I smiled up at him and said, "I woke up for all the right reasons."

James ran a hand through his hair, we'd both lost our hats long ago, and I swear to Merlin he blushed. "Do you have any plans for Christmas Eve?" I asked him.

"As a matter of fact I do."

My face fell and I nodded innocently, "Oh, okay."

"I'm spending it with you," James elaborated and bumped my shoulder as we walked. A smile slid its way onto my face. I'd gotten a gift early this year and it was James.

* * *

**Had to reload because I'm a dork and forgot something.**

**Second lap around the Quidditch pitch is the same as first base.**

**Wow only after I deleted the first chapter six did I realize there was a replace option. Sorry.**


	7. Romancing the Scrooge

**AN: Long chapter… hope you like it. : D R&R!  
**

_"__Oh the weather outside is frightful  
But the fire is so delightful  
And since we've no place to go  
Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow_

_It doesn't show signs of stopping  
And I've brought some corn for popping  
The lights are turned way down low  
Let is snow, let it snow, let it snow_

_When we finally kiss goodnight  
How I hate going out in the storm  
But if you really hold me tight  
All the way home I'll be warm_

_The fire is slowly dying  
And my dear we're still goodbye-ing  
As long as you love me so  
Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow__"_

**7.**

**--**

Finishing the card to my Great Aunt Martha left me grumbling. Christmas time inspired resentment for the large number of relatives I had in the worst kind of way. With at least a half dozen aunts and uncles, drafting up Christmas notes was an ache-inducing chore. However I persevered all afternoon motivated by the thought that I would not be able to sit around the dinner table this time around.

Writing up a note to my mum, having saved the best for last, I felt a little bit teary wishing her the best of luck stuffing the turkey without me on Christmas morning. It made me sad to think Petunia would make sour faces alone as she opened her twelfth Garden Patch doll; my mom refused to believe she had outgrown the hideous things.

Upon opening my gift Tuney would find an ornate and dainty bottle of perfume. It was actually a potion. The concoction consisted of lilac pollen, rainwater, a dash of rose root, and finally a drop of unicorn tears I beguiled Professor Slughorn to let me use. It smelled heavenly if I did say so myself. Stuffing this final letter into its envelope, I hoped Petunia would crack a smile especially for me every time she daubed the perfume behind her ears.

My lip trembled from the effort of keeping back tears as I realized how much I was missing my family. Restless, I neatly arranged the stack of letters beside me. Homesickness assaulted me in waves I couldn't deflect. Most unwelcome memories of baking cookies, toasting eggnog filled cups, watching muggle movies, and decorating the Christmas tree flashed in my brain. Miserable, I poked at the roaring fire, the heat burning my knuckles and making my the fabric of my sweater blistering hot. I yearned for home and the comforts of my Christmas rituals such as setting the table with our best china and polished silverware. Everything was so far away.

Encased in leaping flames, the log I prodded collapsed and the fire's glow brightened. I dropped the poker and turned the cool and neglected side of my body toward the heat. Stretched lazily out opposite of me in front of the fireplace, James looked up from his own occupation. Moments before he had been reading Charles Dickens's _A Christmas Carol_ with a contented look on his face.

I avoided his eyes trying to compose myself but it was too late; James knew something was wrong. Without so much as folding the tip of his page to mark his place, James had scooted over to me and took my hands.

"I got smoke in my eyes," I lied averting my gaze and blinking furiously.

The concern in James's face wasn't entirely masked but he didn't comment on my tears. Still holding my hands, book tossed aside, James observed, "It's snowing."

And so it was. The frosty windows were gathering snow in the sills. "Good news for our garden," I said and James gave a grin.

"Those candy canes will be delicious. A real Christmas miracle." I gave a weak smile letting the topic of conversation distract me from the discomfort of nostalgia. Outside was rapidly becoming darker and a hushed twilight befell the frozen grounds. I worked to arrange myself pushing away thoughts of home. But I felt as cold inside as the world outside. Slowing freezing colder, becoming more impenetrable, rigid with unhappiness, an icy tundra.

A flurry of movement suddenly surrounded James and I. Students mobbed out of the common room, an obvious indication that supper was being served. James and I stood up, never ones to be late for a meal, and I gave him a tentative and watery smile. He reached for my hand and took it again into his as we walked and I tried to be glad for it.

The Great Hall was decorated cheerfully. It had been adorned with wreaths and Christmas trees for the entire month but tonight on Christmas Eve it seemed alive with splendor. Glittery ornaments in a variety of colors were suspended above the tables, house colored garland snaked along the edge of the benches, a festively red table runner stretched the length of the tables ending with bouncing tassels. The atmosphere helped slightly to improve my mood. James and I sat with full plates of food but I wasn't hungry anymore.

I anxiously scrubbed at my fork with the bottom of my sweater. James noticed my agitation and said, "You want to know something strange?" He didn't wait for my reply that probably would have come out snappish anyways. "About twenty two years ago on a night quite like this, while my mum and dad were living in Switzerland, my mum swears she saw Santa."

I stopped trying to rub my fork spotless and looked up at James "As in Clause?"

Mouth full of chicken potpie James answered me with a nod. But I was much too stunned. "As in jolly old?" I persisted.

With an audible gulp James replied, "One in the same."

Somehow this was an incomprehensible idea. I had accepted Merlin's existence without batting an eye but _Santa Clause_? With a laugh and a forkful of pork chops on its way to my mouth I said, "So he's real?"

Another nod. "He's real as you or me, a member of the wizarding community. However, he's a rare sight. Witches and wizards actually camp around in the Swiss Alps hoping to catch a glimpse."

I furrowed my brows, "The Swiss Alps?"

"Yeah. It's a common misconception that the big guy lives at the North Pole. I think that was just to throw off any curious muggles. Fact is he resides in the Swiss Alps."

"Wow," I breathed. "And your mum saw him?" My misery dissipated enormously as I mulled over the thought of Santa Clause being real. I didn't have to be brave about my predicament with such a thing to occupy my mind.

James wiggled his eyebrows for dramatic effect, "She claims she did! Said there was a big fat man at the bus stop one stormy December night. She was walking home from work, a barmaid at the time, when the he caught her eye. She said even in the blustery weather the man had a warmth about him. She stood beside him and waited for the bus and he offered her his scarf. My mum swears he had the kindest smile she'd ever seen. She accepted the scarf gratefully and it helped against the bitter cold wind as the minutes ticked by. When the bus finally arrived she got on and turned around to thank him, but he was gone. And so was the scarf."

A chill ran up my spine. "Very mysterious."

"Mmhmm," James managed around a bite of apple turn over.

"It makes sense he would be a wizard though. I mean how else could the man visit all the houses in the world on one night?" I felt like I had uncovered a deep secret.

"He's no ordinary wizard though. He's up there with Merlin. There must be something in the water in Switzerland to keep him so jolly."

I laughed, my sadness thinning with every word James said. He had finished his dessert and I was on the last bite of my chocolate pie when our plates disappeared and pitchers of eggnog materialized. The Great Hall's noise level seemed to double in excitement. Eggnog was only served at Hogwarts during holiday and it was a real treat.

Once James and I each had a generously filled goblet James stood up and the attention of the sparsely filled Gryffindor table was his. Our housemates stood up around him, goblets offered out before them, their faces full of gluttonous dignity. Something dawned on me in that moment. It was the realization that James was the glue that held people together. We depended on him to jump up and acknowledge when there was something to toast to, we needed him to make light of situations, and we needed him to turn unfavorable circumstances into something better, something memorable.

At least, I did. I held out my goblet proudly a little bit of the milky beverage sloshing over the side and dribbling down my hand.

"Merlin bless us every one!" James declared and the participating Gryffindors repeated him with laughter. Turning to me James smiled. I smiled back, my eyes locking with his and we drank our fist gulps of eggnog. It was the first time I had ever been delighted to warrant his personal attention and I didn't suspect a love potion at all.

A chorus of satisfied lip smacking rolled down the table and James said loudly, "To the common room!" With goblets in hand the students headed for the door. The other houses were making their own toasts all smiling faces and finally I caught the infectious holiday cheer.

Returning to the common room there was a pile of decorations heaped on the floor. The younger students squealed gleefully. A bare Christmas tree was slumped up in a corner with tables were crammed around it. The tree filled the room with a piney smell that was familiar and refreshing. James had his hands full with several pitchers of eggnog looking for a suitable table to set them down on. He decided on a far away table across the room and students flocked to refill their goblets.

Sipping my eggnog I sat myself down in front of the heap of decorations. Excited first years sat with me and we began to untangle the mess of lights, ornaments, garland, and ribbon. Nearly Headless Nick, flanked by several other ghosts, mostly women, entered the common room with bowls of popcorn. The women ghosts began singing Christmas carols in a beautiful and haunting harmony. Nick was giving a lesson on how to string popcorn to a group of engrossed second years with popcorn in their laps. Even McGonagall arrived with a hefty stack of stockings. Several students approached her and when she revealed they had an individual stocking of their own, with their names in curly script, her face lost it's severe mask and became truly warm.

The room was alive with merriment.

James joined me in front of the decorations and we had them detangled in no time. Being the tallest he was in charge of winding lights towards the top of the tree. A sweet faced third year by the name of Danica Drearwater fed him the string of lights as he entertained her with a story.

Wizard Christmas lights are strange. Connected by a string of easily tangled yarn, are dozens of small oval jewels. There is a certain colored powder inside the jewels that determines the glow of the light. Sort of like a compact firework with out the work. When James had the lights strung beautifully around the tree he bestowed onto me the honor of setting them ablaze.

With instructs to use my wand, I was supposed to light the yarn on fire. Of course never having really experienced a wizard Christmas my hands shook as a thought about burning the whole tree down pestered me. Finally after a shaky wave of my wand I had the yarn, which turned out to be magical, alight. The phenomenon reminded me of dominos. Instead of the satisfying click of domino knocking domino over there was a singeing sound and a burst of smoke before each of the oval shaped jewels popped with light. When I put my hand on the jewels they were just barely warm against my skin and I felt at ease about the fire hazard.

With the lights in place James and I helped younger students hang ornaments on the tree. Sometimes we had to lift the little first years up to reach the top.

"Come on you little munchkins, who's next?" James had said over the noise of carols and laughter. At one point I was hanging something on one side of the tree when I caught James's eye from the other side of the tree. I gave him a brilliant smile but a rude fifth year by the name of Gerivus Patton made kissy noises at us and embarrassed, I went to help twine garland on the walls. I found myself humming along to songs as we worked and my heart was all a-flutter with happiness.

As the night wound down Nearly Headless Nick ushered the kids who'd been making strings of popcorn to the festooned tree and they wrapped the strings around the tree with artful dips. McGonagall topped the tree with a brassy gold star, the perfect touch. It was finished. There was applause and laughter and James planted a kiss on my head. I wanted to sob because it felt so right.

For a while all the remaining Gryffindor students sat and chatted before a vivid fire. James and I were collecting abandoned goblets and I yawned. These kids would need to be in bed soon. As if Nearly Headless Nick sensed my fatigue he directed his ghostly friends to sing a soft, slow version of _Silent Night_. With twinkles in their eyes students yawned sleepily or sighed. Some rested their heads on a friend's shoulder while others closed their eyes. James took a goblet from my hand and set it on the nearest table before scooping me into an embrace. With our arms wrapped around each other's waist we watched and swayed to the melody completely entranced.

When the song was over a mass of students stood and bade farewell to the room. "Their dreams of dancing sugar plums await," Nearly Headless Nick said with a lovely grin. McGonagall, James, and a mix of sixth and fifth years helped to clean up the bulk of the after math.

When all were gone McGonagall turned to James and I with a sharp glint in her eyes. She smiled, "I'm glad to have the heads with me this year!" Then she led us to her office where parents or friends had sent the stranded population of student's their Christmas presents. When the mail came on Christmas morning it was usually with the least fragile of gifts and with sentimental letters from home. Parents liked their children to wake up to their presents as if they were really at home and McGonagall made that possible. A regular Santa's little helper.

This year with James and I at McGonagall's dispense stuffing the stockings and bringing the gifts to the common room was over and done with quite quickly. We whined abundantly throughout the task though secretly grateful to be a part of it.

"Do we get extra credit for this?" James asked levitating a heavy bundle of gifts and McGonagall laughed.

"Consider this a community service for your crimes, Mr. Potter," She said coolly.

When it was finished, we all stood in the common room and admired our work. The majority of the garland lining the walls was crooked and limply hanging on. The tree had evened out its slump from the weight of the embellishments on it. The fireplace was crowded with stuffed stockings. Clumsy it may have been, but it brought a smile to my face anyways. "Happy Christmas," McGonagall said and winked. She then turned on her heel, her green robes whipping whimsically and left assumedly to her bed.

I collapsed into the nearest armchair with a dramatic sigh and accidentally sat on a misplaced bulb shaped ornament. The room was a mess of decorations and gifts. Every student received something even if McGonagall didn't hear from the student's guardians. Often times she used her own money to buy gifts. I was proud the old lady was in charge of Gryffindor.

James fell onto his back on the floor with a grunt. In a thoughtful tone he said, "What a lovely party." I giggled.

It was so late at night that the fire had been reduced to a pile of burning cinders. It looked as burned out as I felt. Though, the little party had lifted my spirits considerably. It had been so rewarding to see the happy faces of the students around me. Hogwarts was a different kind of magical for making a night like this possible for its students.

As satisfied as I was, there was still one last thing I had to do before I could call it a night. One final Christmas Eve tradition that begged to be reinvented at Hogwarts.

Sliding out of the armchair and onto the floor I crawled over to the Christmas tree. James sat up to look at me and I beckoned him with a curled finger. The tree lights cast a warm kaleidoscope glow on us in the darkness. "It's time to do a little tree gazing," I explained laying down and scooting my body under the bottom of the tree.

James joined me pushing aside stray ornaments as he settled his face inches below the last blanket of branches. I took his hand in mine and for a quiet second we looked up through the spindly branches hypnotized by the lights, nocturnal flower buds all aglow, and radiant decorations.

"Thank you for earlier," I whispered to James.

He turned to look at me but my eyes were fixed on the sight above and he whispered back, "Welcome. Happy Christmas."

"Happy Christmas." And this time I did look over at James. He was busy trying to pick a piece of popcorn from the tree. Silently I wondered if next Christmas I would long for this one. Somewhere deep down inside I knew I would.

* * *

Christmas morning was a sacred day indeed at the Evan house. Early in the morning my sister would tickle my feet waking me instantly. It was the softer side to the severe woman my sister had grown to be.

After a drowsy exchange of grins, we would pounce the snoring bodies of my parents with eagerness. Dad would roar in distress and say, "You're both getting coal!" Mum would gather her robe and poke her husband lovingly in the side sometimes earning a snort. Petunia and I would race down the halls, now a days much too narrow for the both of us, and plant ourselves in front of the row of presents before the tree.

There we would sit sneaking our hands out to pat the wrapped gifts as mum made coffee and tea and dad emerged from his bed. Seeing the tree and all the gifts he would exclaim, "My word! Santa took the time to wrap your coal, girls!"

Petunia might throw her slipper at him playfully or sometimes she'd blow a raspberry in his direction eliciting a cheerful grin. Behind my mother's back he'd pick at the gingerbread houses we had constructed sometime before and pop a marshmallow into his mouth. But the moment mum was out of the kitchen and had sat comfortably on the couch; my sister and I would shred the wrapping paper apart, flinging it into the air and gasp at the first gift of the holiday.

But this Christmas morning I woke up alone in my dormitory and my feet felt like popsicles. To call it a cold morning was an understatement. Arctic, subzero, even glacial would not do. As I gathered up my blanket I could see my breath puffing out of my mouth and I wanted to cocoon myself back into bed. But it was too cold.

I dressed under the tent I made of my blanket grumbling all the while. "I think I got frost bite. That good for nothing Jack Frost and his trollsome winter weather…"

My feet began to defrost in a pair of wool socks as I stomped down the stairs to the common room. Much to my surprise it was an ocean of discarded paper. Reaching the bottom step I glanced at the time and saw it was almost noon!

"Gnome nuts!" The curse fell out of my mouth before I could stop it. But for Frankenstein's sake it was practically Christmas afternoon. I had overslept. The only reason I woke at all was because of the temperature in my room! I might have slept right through Christmas if it hadn't been unnaturally cold.

I still hadn't mailed my letters to home either. Dread filled my chest cavity. I ran frantically to the fireplace and dug around all the wrapping paper. I couldn't find my letters. The thought of rewriting them was unnerving. My hand gave an involuntary twitch and I groaned.

Dropping onto the floor I felt tears coming on and my cold nose began to run. A pile of gift-wrap paper suddenly exploded and I jumped up screaming. "Jingle Bells Merlin smells, McGonagall laid an egg!" James was singing merrily peeling paper from his face and hair.

"Potter!" I screeched overwhelmed. He stopped singing and looked up at me expectantly. "This is no time for jokes!"

Chuckling James said, "That's no way to start Christmas day!"

I raked my hands through my red hair. "I'm sorry. Have you seen a stack of letters," I bent down and hovered my hand about a foot off the ground, "about ye tall?"

James nodded, "Sure, I had them delivered this morning. Had to recruit a whole family of owls for all those letters."

I almost fell to the floor with relief. "Oh. Thank you. I don't think my hand could survive another intense letter writing session."

"Does this mean you'll grovel?" James asked hopefully.

"No." I rolled my eyes.

"Aw don't be a Scrooge."

"Call me a Scrooge again and I'll roast your chestnuts on an open fire."

James grinned, "Oh, I like it when you talk dirty to me Evans."

I walked right up to him to poke him in the chest with another inevitable witty remark on my tongue when he interrupted me and said, "What's with the red nose, Rudolph?" His hand swept up and pressed against my forehead. "Are you coming down with something?"

"Is annoyance an illness?" I asked. James gave me a dirty look and I sighed, "No, I'm not coming down with anything. My room has become the North Pole is all."

"That's peculiar," James remarked with his hand still against my forehead.

"It'll probably warm up by tonight."

James arched an eyebrow. "Do you need warming up baby?" he asked and his voice was too deep to be natural.

"Do you need a throat lozenge?"

"On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me, a throat lozenge for my sexy voice," James sang.

"Potter got ran over by a reindeer," I sang back.

"Oh, Rudolph. You don't mean it do ya?" James pouted. His hand had snaked around my neck. James sure knew how to chat up a girl. Not. Reindeer pet names were not on my list of _'Endearing things to be called'_.

"That depends, Frosty the Sasquatch. Where are my presents?"

James let go of me and began kicking wrapping paper around the floor. Finally he located a small stack of parcels I knew were for me. Gathering them up in his arms James leaped onto the couch and said, "I didn't open mine."

He began to uproot cushions pulling out a handful of wrapped objects one by one. I watched as James pointed and counted aloud and then replaced the cushions on the couch. Smiling he patted the newly reinstated cushion beside him.

"You really know how to hide your treasures."

James ignored my quip, separating the pile of parcels. "Shall we?" He asked picking up the biggest of his gifts. He had only a small rip in the wrapping before I exclaimed, "Ah ah ah!"

James looked up his mouth parted and blinked at me, the epitome of impatient irritation. "What?"

I smiled, "We're going to do this the muggle way. And the muggle way states all gifts must be properly groped and guessed before opening." James made a face. "Now now love," I imitated him. "A little culture never hurt anyone. Now. Fondle."

Simultaneously James and I began to grip our gifts. With mine held up to my ear I shook it and heard nothing. James's face embodied confusion as he poked at his. Mine was quite small and heavy. It had one firm side and I was sure I was flipping pages against the constraints of the wrapping paper. Obviously a book, albeit a small one. I couldn't guess the specifics so I said happily, "Open sesame."

I ripped the gift open and found an English to French dictionary. "Ooh!" I gasped clutching the book to my chest and cooing. Hogwarts did not offer foreign language classes. With the right translation spell anyone could understand a different language besides their own; but I fancied learning languages the muggle way. It was gratifying making connections between languages in my studies and struggling along the journey that was pronunciation. For me half the fun was in learning.

James's chuckle filled my ears and I looked up to see him holding a broom-shaped loofa and a bar of Quidditch equipment-shaped soaps. Rubbing the coarse material between his thumb and forefinger he said, "I would never have guessed it was a loofa." I laughed too; it was quite a challenging gift.

"What did you think it was?"

"Something sinister."

"Not so far off. Soap is your enemy after all."

James's lifted an arm and gave a sniff at his armpit. After a moment of deliberation he nodded apparently pleased. Then he was on top of me trying to angle his armpit in my face.

I struggled against him and gave bird-like shrieks of disgust. "Come on, you walked right into that one, Potter!" I started laughing and it weakened my defense and soon enough James had his pit right in my face!

My mind screamed, _Fetal position!_ I So I did just that, I played dead. My body went limp and I held my breath with my nose scrunched up. I clamped my eyes shut thinking if James had been a bear my playing dead skills would have saved me. I was a true actress. A real diva. You know, "Cue the lights. I'm ready for my close up."

James straddled me putting, thank Merlin, his armpit was a safer distance away. He said in pretend shock, "I've killed her! I've killed Lily Evans!" Then I felt his fingers at my sides and I wheezed out a laugh as he tickled me. "Don't go into the light Evans!"

I couldn't breath and tears pricked my eyes. I batted at James to get off of me and get his hands away from my stomach but it was a frantic attempt too occupied with giggles to work. With a groan I said, "I'm too pretty to die!" I kicked at the air and snorted with laughter too far gone to be embarrassed. I screamed and yowled all at James's amusement until finally I yelled, "Okay! You smell good! Get off me!" To James and I it was the equivalent of 'saying uncle'.

"Say again? I smell what?" James asked his hands pausing from their torturous delight.

"Good!"

James sat up looking way too satisfied. "Those soaps are novelty items anyways."

Once I had my breath back we carried on like the entire event hadn't happened James picking up my dictionary and saying, "I speak fluent French you know."

I raised an eyebrow. "Prove it." I stole the book back from James and flipped through its pages. I was looking for a scathing translation of, "You smell like an old boot." Immature was my middle name.

A beat of silence came before James replied with an exaggerated accent that I saw right through, "Mise en garde- Pour adulte seulement. Garder hors de la portée des enfants."

I flipped through the dictionary only recognizing a small bit of the sentence. It was roughly translated in my brain as, _'Caution. For adults. Keep away children.'_ When I looked up from my book I saw James holding a bar of soap. I laughed. He was a regular smooth operator.

"Are you wooed yet?" He grinned at me and winked.

"Utterly. How could I not be? Nothing says romance like a warning label."

"In the language of love no less," James stated easily. Somehow our preposterous conversations were always composed with the utmost calm.

"Oh, yes don't forget."

"Because everything is better in the language of love."

"Not if it's, 'we had to amputate.'" I countered.

"Don't know until you've tried it."

"You first."

"Well, ten fingers _is_ kind of excessive don't you think?"

"True enough. We can fix that with my handy dandy scalpel though."

"Very good," James said placing a new gift in my lap and we began anew at the guessing game. "Besides, if you miss your finger I could always get you a hook next Christmas."

"Oh, Potter that is so generous of you. It would probably land me an excellent spot on a pirate ship."

"Now there's looking on the bright side of every situation."

"I fancy the name pirate name Red Beard Hook. What do you think?"

"I think that's slightly unoriginal of you, Evans," James pretended to chide me.

"You're right. What about Evil Evans?" In my hands I was sure I held an article of clothing if the soft box shape was anything to go by.

"Oh, lovely alliteration."

"My thoughts exactly. And you can be my first mate. We'll call you Portly Potter."

James gasped, "You don't think I'm portly do you, Rudolph?"

I leaned forward on the couch and gave James's knee a pat. "Well, all abominable snowmen are a big boned aren't they?"

"Oh yes, you're right. I can't seem to keep my alter egos straight."

"That's what I'm here for. Your very own wise woman."

"Evil Evans the wise, reindeer pirate."

"Portly Potter, the dim, smelly, French speaking yeti pirate. We make an intimidating duo."

"Indeed." James agreed then exclaimed, "Did you just callme dim?"

"I did. But you called me Scrooge." I smiled smugly.

"Only a Scrooge would sick a homicidal reindeer on me."

"I wouldn't sick it on you. You would provoke it." I said in a matter of fact manner.

James scoffed, "You provoke me. I might not get you a hook for your missing finger after all!"

"It's slighting impractical when you think about it."

"What is?"

"Well, I'm not missing my whole hand am I?"

"I could arrange that if you insist on being pernickety."

Somewhere along this inane conversation James and I had unwrapped all our presents. The minute my last present had been revealed the ocean of wrapping paper in the common room disappeared with a silent blink. I hardly noticed.

Along with a dictionary, I received three new and finely knitted sweaters, caramel sweets, and a pair of ruby stud earrings that would match wonderfully with my Gryffindor colors. Petunia had sent me a couple pairs of stockings with a charm bracelet hidden in the toes of one pair. Though I didn't actually wear much jewelry, I still coveted it. I had three different jewelry boxes tucked in my trunk in my dormitory. I would make a fine pirate.

I noted everything James had received. I had an inner intuition about gifts and so by appraising his I could learn something. He had gotten the novelty soaps, a magic tie that did could assume any knot James pleased, new Quidditch gear, a handful of candy dispensers, and a belt buckle that also functioned as a butterbeer opener. It seemed his presents were as comic as he was. I thought that was everything when I noticed most of his items sat on top of a thin gray book. I couldn't read the title and the mystery of it welled up inside me.

"What's so interesting?" James asked me as I eyed the book.

"Huh?" I answered in my usual brilliant fashion. It was astonishing how I could undo all my witty remarks when asked a direct question I didn't want to answer.

"Do you want some of my candy?" He offered me a pill looking candy that stuck out of the head of a famous Quidditch player. It seemed slightly morbid.

"No, I was just…wondering what that book was." I pointed indistinctly at his pile of goods.

James popped a candy in his mouth and said, "Oh. It's nothing really. Just a book." He crunched away before jerking the book from under his stuff and thrusting it at me most unexpectedly.

It was a children's book about airplanes and I looked from the book and back to James in confusion. He ran a hand through his hair. "Airplanes?" I asked bewildered. Of all the things a wealthy pure blood wizard would be reading up on…I wouldn't have guessed airplanes.

James seemed to recoil from me in embarrassment. "Yeah." He gave a humorless laugh. I flipped through the book glimpsing illustrations of plane engines and models. It was a very plain and direct book. James stuttered an explanation, "Flying is a muggle magic. Or rather a science. I didn't know flying could ever be achieved without the aid of a wand but some really clever muggles have done it."

I nodded, "Yeah, it's really something." I wondered if he maybe had some fascination with flying. What with being in Quidditch, being the only person at Hogwarts with a kite, and now a book about airplanes?

"Have you ever been on a plane?" He asked me.

"Yeah, sure."

His hazel eyes widened, "Really? Wow. I mean I know I get on my broom everyday but…brooms are not giant imitations of birds. That's essentially what some of these planes are. Except more sophisticated than even nature. I mean some planes go faster than any bird I've ever heard of. And higher too."

"I never thought about it like that."

"Airplanes are mechanics not magic. Millions of people in the sky safely tucked away in big metal contraptions. It's…amazing. All that weight and all that speed fighting the laws of the muggle universe."

"We'll go on an airplane one day." I proclaimed.

James smiled shyly at me. "You mean it?"

"Yeah. You'll have the whole experience. You can get peanuts and meet the pilots."

"Yeah." James was far away. Probably envisioning that grand day. I was lost in thoughts too. Some people dreamed of money, of glamour, of power, and possession. James dreamed of airplanes. It brought a smile to my face and it resonated in my heart. James had all the magic at his disposal, he experienced gravity defying acts everyday, and yet he found value in the science of muggles. I could barely comprehend his appreciation.

I wished airplanes were practical gifts in that moment.

_Bah, humbug!_ James Potter had done it again.


	8. In Loving Memory

**AN: Sorry about the wait! R&R**

**8.**

--

Idle time is the enemy when it comes to holiday

Idle time is my enemy when it comes to holiday. At first everything is dandy, I can sleep in and enjoy the absence of responsibility. Then slowly boredom sets in, I find myself yearning to have something to do, well, something besides homework. I have all the free time in the world and suddenly I can't help but wonder what I should do with it. This inevitable boredom is intensified when staying at Hogwarts especially when the outside world is a tundra braved only by…you know, the brave.

Usually during this reprieve from school I paint on excessive layers of nail polish, I will sleep until the dark circles under my eyes almost completely disappear, and I accomplish miscellaneous tasks like color-coding the canned goods in the pantry. Once two holidays ago, I cut every strand of hair on my head _individually_ and I still had half the day to waste. Boredom with James was a whole different brand of inane though.

Christmas day went by with little consequence. I missed Headmaster Dumbledore's holiday speech when I slept right through breakfast. James gave me a brief summary with a surprisingly accurate rasp in his voice. Besides the decorations and abundance of illegal play things I turned a blind eye to, the day was the same as the ones preceding it.

Unlike Christmas day at home, there were no dinner preparations, no relatives to talk about their boils, no children to baby sit, no gingerbread houses to guard. After a bit of ice skating James and I returned to the castle with seared lungs and chapped cheeks. The air was cold outside; so cold that I could feel my chest constrict against the chill I inhaled. Ice skating, though I loved it, wasn't worth the discomfort. So, confined to the school all day James and I lingered in the Common Room.

He sat above me on the sofa looking droll. It had been my idea to honor our families by putting on any gifts that were wearable. I had decked myself out in my new maroon sweater, a plain black skirt, Petunia's gifted black sheer stockings along with ruby earrings, and the charm bracelet I had received. I thought I looked quite nice.

James had his magic tie fashioned like a bow tie, his belt buckle was equipped over a pair of pajama bottoms he had received early, Quidditch goggles sat around his neck, and in the pocket of his untucked button up shirt was the caricatured head of some player with the same pill-like candies inside.

James had some sour candies with him and we were taking turns placing them on our tongues and trying not to make faces. I pinched my eyes shut as my face twisted in a disgusted way from the candy in my mouth before saying to the chuckling James, "Your turn. You think three is too much?"

"Let's find out." He shook out three treats from the box into the palm of his hand. "Tell me about Christmas with your family." Then he popped his hand to his mouth and set his jaw his eyes already filling with water. His nose twitched and his eyes widened in what seemed to be alarm.

I gave a short laugh, these candies were not only disgusting in flavor, but they were so sour I wasn't sure I'd have working taste buds at the end of the day. My record was one candy and James was going for three. I decided talking might be a good distraction for him.

"Well, I always help prepare the turkey with my mom. She's scared of touching the jiblets. Sometimes Tuney and I chase her around with a pot full of jiblets and that night at the dinner table she always says how nice it is to have two loving, doting, understanding daughters." James laughed in an awkward way around the candies. "My dad usually carves the turkey but other than that single chore he stays gathered around the radio listening to the latest game. Our relatives arrive at 1:15 on the dot every year. On the average year there's about twenty in all squished into my house and we are a loud bunch. Sometimes I can be carrying on three different conversations at once. When it snows I don't put a foot outside before dinner unless it's absolutely necessary. My younger cousins are usually stocked full with snowballs to throw and I have to warn them that I'll take away their newly acquired stockings if they don't knock it off but I never do. After a huge dinner my dad makes a huge show of unbuttoning on of the buttons on his waistband and then the family, all twenty something of us, take a walk around the neighborhood to look at all the Christmas lights. It's a really nice time."

"Sounds like it," said James smacking his lips and sticking his tongue out like a cow chewing its cud. "I can't feel my tongue."

I laughed, "Me neither."

We sat quietly for a couple of minutes and I was feeling slightly self-conscious after sharing about my family. I thought the cursed awkward silence would go on forever until James said, "I'm a tad homesick." His demeanor softened incredibly after this little confession and not even his silly attire could quite mask the glumness.

I got up from off the floor to sit beside him on the sofa before the fire. I put my head in his lap, safely on his thigh, and walked my fingers on his knees to hide my fear he would push me away. Occupied by the movement of my fingers my breath came slower, but my heart still raced. I hoped James didn't mind me using him as a pillow. But after a few stiff moments he put his hand on my shoulder and let the other stroke my hair.

Softly I asked, "What do you miss most?"

"My grandpops." I settled my hands beneath my head as if I really were going to sleep. "He used to occupy me for hours on end at the dining room table telling me stories from his day."

I looked up at James and he gave me a small smile. "What kind of stories?"

"Oh, stories about everything. The first time he every laid eyes on my Nana. Sometimes he'd tell me about growing up on a farm. I really liked the ones about his time at school. He was a student at Drumstrag. He was The Drumstrag Prankster. Going beyond the dipping a girl's hair in ink mediocrity. Was a true master of his craft. Sometimes sitting there across the table from him I'd want to take notes. Other times I'd even bring him plans I'd been contemplating. Grandpops always had just the right perspective."

I had to smile at this. No wonder James took such pride in his mischief. "I'd like to meet your Grandpops."

His hand on my hair stopped its gentle petting. "He would have liked you, Lily. But he died in June."

"Oh James, I'm so sorry." I sat up to look him in the face as I said this so he knew it wasn't a polite or generic reply.

He gave a shrug. "He was an old man after all." James tried to placate his sadness with a show of indifference. He didn't have to pretend with me but I understood.

"He seems like you." I laid down again and put my head back where it was. James didn't resume his stroking right away so I grabbed his hand and placed it back on my shoulder firmly. Next I took his other hand and completely out of character, as well as completely unembarrassed, kissed it. I put my cheek against it as James began to speak again.

"You know, every time he told me a story, no matter how depreciated his memory had become over the years, he could always recall a first and last name. Every friend was remembered fondly first and last. John Whitmore. Reginald Hersey. Thomas Robert." James paused and his next words echoed deep in my heart. "In a way, you did know him Lily. When it was my turn to tell a tale I followed suit. Sirius Black. Remus Lupin. Peter Pettigrew… Lily Evans.

"Your name is one of only a few I will always remember. Just like Grandpops."

A tear I hadn't noticed gathering slid down my cheek and onto James's hand. Slowly I sat up again, James wouldn't look at me and a thrill of need possessed me.

"I still can't feel my tongue all the way but I'm going to kiss you." My knack at talking myself into the ground had gloriously returned.

A smile crept its way onto James's mouth though and before I could say anything else stupid, I leaned in and placed my lips on his. After a few minutes I broke the kiss. My hands were cupping James's face and with my eyes still closed I whispered, "He's proud of you."

James nuzzled his nose against mine, "I know."

I now knew why James hadn't gone home for Christmas. The absence of his grandfather was too much to bear. I knew he feared the empty place at the table and the prank plans gone undiscussed.

"I'm proud of you too." I said bravely opening up my eyes.

James seemed confused and I lost my nerve to explain to just how proud of him I really was. It was the comfort he extended to those around him despite his inner grief, to the fondness he was capable that I never expected. He was a good person and I felt…_whole_ to mean enough to him to remember forever my first and last name.

The Christmas feast lived up to its name. I probably ate one of every kind of holiday cookie well before I had finished my main course. James stuffed himself on pudding and pie moaning dramatically after his third slice.

"I'm so full!" I laughed and poked him in his gut and he swatted, rather half-heartedly, my hand away.

I had a plan in mind for how to spend Christmas night but it required a stop at our candy cane garden. I lugged James by the hand up all those stairs and when we saw a magnificent glint of silver in the window leading to the balcony he perked right up.

After a rather perilous climb onto the balcony, for its floor was slick with ice, I looked up all around me in awe. An abundance of twirling piped canes extended up toward the night sky. Like gnarled tree trunks the candy canes grew, warped and coiled, thickly striped.

The snow had done wonders! In fact there was a canopy of silvery tipped canes hanging down feet above my head. The air smelled sweetly of mint, the snow glittered in frozen clumps against branch-like candy canes. It was like nothing I had ever seen before, bright white in the dark ringed vibrantly with red and green stripes.

"We'll need a small bundle of candy canes," I directed James who had been hopping up and down to reach a dangling spear of mint.

"Okay," he responded distractedly as his hand slipped off the cane.

I walked over to inspect our pots but they had busted at the lips, cracked and shattered. I wondered if any garden had ever been so successful. Hopefully the garden would thrive all through the break until the students came back.

I heard a snap and James shouted, "Duck!" The canopy overhead had fractured and a line of candy canes clattered onto the icy ground inches from where James had taken cover. He began laughing and picking up the fallen bits of candy cane and then proffered a bouquet to me.

I picked out a stick of mint and placed my lips around it. It melted softly against my tongue with a smooth sensation. The mint, subtle and refreshing, chased away the taste of cookies and left a cool flavor in my mouth.

"Mmm," I hummed in approval.

"The best mint you've ever tasted. Am I right?"

"Indeed. It's delicious."

James grinned at me, "So why do we need a bundle?"

I made a loud slurping noise before answering, "You'll see."

We exited our garden merrily with candy canes poking out from the depths of our pockets.

Maybe it was the holiday cheer, maybe it was all those cookies I had for supper, maybe I was delirious with homesickness, but something overcame me that Christmas night; a joy deeply inspired by James Potter. He hadn't given me any sour butterbeers, I hadn't fallen off a broom headfirst, and I hadn't poisoned myself with a potion. I was only under one sort of influence- it was love.

And by Merlin's trousers, it felt good. Or at least for a while.

The journey to Hogsmeade seemed a short one made of breathless Christmas songs and giggles penetrating the darkness. It was arctic outside but the snow had stopped for the time. Every time James made me laugh I could see a stream of hot breath escape from my mouth. Hogwarts was brightly lit behind us casting just a long enough beam of light to reach the end of the path to Hogsmeade. It cast James in a dramatic shadow highlighting his profile when he turned to look at me. I could see our shadows on the white canvas-like ground beneath us. We were hulking black masses of warm jackets and bulky winter accessories. The candy canes jutted out into our shadows and I thought of porcupines.

Hogsmeade was the quietest I'd ever seen it. The lane for shops was all shut up tightly with modest strings of lights for decoration. Past the shopping houses were brightly aglow. Windows showcased gathering families at dinner tables or in front of Christmas trees. The houses were decorated sweetly with vivid colors that reflected in the snow filled yards.

As we walked, James and I, we placed candy canes on the porches of houses that impressed us with their decorations.

"Ooh!" I would exclaim pointing my finger at a house with elaborate lights and ornaments. "Merlin! Look at that!" Then James would accompany me cautiously to the porch of the house and we would leave a candy cane on the welcome mat before running away leaving large unsteady footprints on the pathways.

There was an atmosphere of adventure as we lurked around people's porches to leave them gifts. I felt strangely in tune with the entire world while also being totally estranged to everyone but James.

"I feel like Santa Clause," I said as we walked slowly past one old-fashioned street lamp after another. They were frosty and dim- a quiet romance.

"That mean I can toss you down a chimney?" asked James.

"Holy Hogwarts- you most certainly cannot!" I knew he was kidding but the idea of being cramped up in a chimney scared me wandless. I composed myself a little bit before adding, "I'm…er…claustrophobic."

"Are you really?" James asked with a tone of surprise.

I adjusted my thick knitted hat nervously, "Not _too_ severely. Though sometimes the busy corridors at school make me uneasy. It really only gets bad when it's for long periods of time. I don't think I'm _certifiably _claustrophobic."

"Y'know there are spells for curing that."

"I know."

"Have you ever tried one?"

"No."

"Why not?"

I adjusted my hat again keeping my eyes trained on the path back to Hogwarts. "You wouldn't understand."

"I might."

I hesitated a great while before I answered, "Well, I just don't want to be magically _altered_. I guess I just kind of feel that I like how my fears make me human instead of losing into something magical."

"Like learning languages the muggle way," said James but it wasn't a question.

"Something like that."

"I think that's okay," said James quietly after a few moments when I had gladly thought the topic was dropped.

I stopped walking to face him. "You're the only one." The bite in my tone slipped out before I could stop it. "Almost all the other…_purebloods_ see that as a flaw. An imperfection. A waste of magical ability." The tears stinging hot came so fast to my eyes and I could feel a heat rise on my face.

No matter what indifference I demonstrated during school to the jeers and sneers from the Slytherins the truth was it bothered me. Even Grace on occasion found my muggle habits strange. She told me once it was apparent my heritage was muggle because, "Your opinions are very muggle contaminated."

_Contaminated. _The word had very negative connotations for me. Grace essentially drove home that my heritage was something dirty. Muddy. I _was_ a mudblood.

James just said, "I don't think that. I like you just the way you are."

I couldn't respond. I felt like I didn't need for James to approve of me but it was still nice to hear him say he did. I cleared my throat. "Are we out of candy canes?"

"Sure are."

"Then we've completed our good deeds for the night." I looped my arm through James's and began to lead the way back to Hogwarts.

"Lily Evans, you make me a better man," James joked.

Suddenly I stopped walking and doubled over, "Aaaachoo!"

"Bless you."

"Sorry. I'm allergic to mush."

James barked out a laugh and pointed to himself, "Is that to imply that you think I'm mushy? Me? James Macho-Man Potter?"

I giggled, "Is that your given middle name?"

"As a matter of fact it is."

"Well, it's massively misleading."

And so went on the familiar banter I had recently grown so accustomed to. Eventually my resentment for pureblood superiority melted away with every crunching step I took in the snow.


End file.
